A Child Abuse Survivors Group Community Group
We survived child abuse, but the pain still remains and so do the other effects which can last a lifetime. We are often unable to find adequate help, and we are seeking answers that can help us understand what happened so that we can go on to lead normal lives. (Please note that this is a group for child abuse survivors only. If you are a professional in the mental health...
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.
-Children's saying
It was not the hitting and kicking and screaming that did the most damage to me as a child. It wasn’t even the severe starvation or being a social outcast at school and in the neighborhood, or the lack of basic necessities like a toothbrush. It was the words that my mother shouted at me daily that still ring in my ears decades later. “You should have been an abortion!” “You don’t know #%*+ from applebutter!” “You are white trash and you will never amount to anything!” “You’ve got demons inside you that have to be beaten out of you!” “You’re the cause of everything bad that’s happened to this family!” “If it weren’t for you, I could have anything I wanted!” “Don’t you ever look up from the ground or I’ll hit you again!” “You are just like your father, and he couldn’t do anything right either!” “You can’t justify your existence!” "Don't you try to go to sleep tonight!" “I own you, and if I want to hit you, I’ll hit you!” “I am going to cut off your #@%&$ and make you swallow it!” "What have you ever done for me?!" “You don’t know your %#&-hole from a hole in the ground!” “You are pure evil!”
Imagine for a moment those words and other verbal abuse being shouted daily at a timid, shy boy who never speaks and is always obedient, a child who doesn't look up at people or things, who never makes eye contact, a child who has no power over his circumstances and is in the total control of a raving lunatic woman. Imagine further that those words exist in the absence of normal parenting words like "I love you," "I care about you," "I want the best for you," and so forth. It is worth repeating: decades later the words of abuse still ring in my ears. I have no control over when it happens. I have frequently awakened in middle of the night, even recently, with those words going through my mind. I am a full grown man now, but I don’t sleep well at night.
Verbal abuse takes it toll on a child and even on an adult. Words have the power to wound us all.
But words will never hurt me.
-Children's saying
It was not the hitting and kicking and screaming that did the most damage to me as a child. It wasn’t even the severe starvation or being a social outcast at school and in the neighborhood, or the lack of basic necessities like a toothbrush. It was the words that my mother shouted at me daily that still ring in my ears decades later. “You should have been an abortion!” “You don’t know #%*+ from applebutter!” “You are white trash and you will never amount to anything!” “You’ve got demons inside you that have to be beaten out of you!” “You’re the cause of everything bad that’s happened to this family!” “If it weren’t for you, I could have anything I wanted!” “Don’t you ever look up from the ground or I’ll hit you again!” “You are just like your father, and he couldn’t do anything right either!” “You can’t justify your existence!” "Don't you try to go to sleep tonight!" “I own you, and if I want to hit you, I’ll hit you!” “I am going to cut off your #@%&$ and make you swallow it!” "What have you ever done for me?!" “You don’t know your %#&-hole from a hole in the ground!” “You are pure evil!”
Imagine for a moment those words and other verbal abuse being shouted daily at a timid, shy boy who never speaks and is always obedient, a child who doesn't look up at people or things, who never makes eye contact, a child who has no power over his circumstances and is in the total control of a raving lunatic woman. Imagine further that those words exist in the absence of normal parenting words like "I love you," "I care about you," "I want the best for you," and so forth. It is worth repeating: decades later the words of abuse still ring in my ears. I have no control over when it happens. I have frequently awakened in middle of the night, even recently, with those words going through my mind. I am a full grown man now, but I don’t sleep well at night.
Verbal abuse takes it toll on a child and even on an adult. Words have the power to wound us all.
He never did much to me physically that I can remember, but the words will never go away. He had a way of undermining people, it was a game to him. I'm sure he got a big boost for his self-image when he could get the better of someone...and I was always a handy target.
Even in his senior years, he used to ridicule me in front of other people in the supermarket when I took him grocery shopping. I imagine he found that deeply satisfying, but I did not enjoy it at all. I tried to let it roll off me, but words do hurt. He seemed to get inside my head somehow.
Uhm. Nope. Sometimes I wonder what kind of fantasy world she's living in!