I was just reading a book written by a psychologist who stated that not all people abused as children became abusers themselves. Can't remember who it was or which book, since I've been reading all sorts of books lately. Anyway, what this particular author did go on to say was that most abusers were abused themselves and a vast majority of prisoners who had committed violent crimes had also been abused. However, that doesn't make all victims of abuse turn into abusers.

I think they fail to take into account the people who have committed suicide, since it would be rather hard to get statistical data from someone who is deceased. Nor do they know how many people suffering from more severe mental disorders were actually abused either because many of those people may not have the awareness any longer of what happened to them.

However, I can see how it does happen. Sometimes it is learned behavior. Other times its an attempt to resolve their own painful childhood by projecting their shame onto another and their own self-hatred becomes hatred towards someone else and they want to do everything in their power to eradicate it. It's very sad. I also believe that there are those people in the world who simply choose to be jerks because it gives them a sense of power....which could also stem from feelings of powerlessness as a child. Whatever the case may be doesn't really matter.

I think most, if not all, of us here can say, we didn't turn into abusers ourselves. We had a choice, just like everyone else. I don't think I have the ability to harm someone else. The abuse I endured made me never, ever want to hurt other people. I'm so sensitive to other people's feelings now and how situations might affect others. I guess that's a gift I gained.

Hey, I figured out the book.....The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook, Second Edition by Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D.......he writes, "People tend to reenact what they see and learn. If a child grows up in a violent home, he is more likely to become a victimizer than one who grows up in a loving home. The encouraging news is that the majority of abused children do not grow up to be abusers. However, the bad news is that the vast majority of prison inmates have a history of abuse. Sometimes victimizers have been numbed to all feelings of conscience, guilt, and compassion by a history of brutality. Sometimes they have not learned to interact in loving ways, and they lash out in frustration and pain."

thank you very much for posting this. i had a teacher in 8th grade( at the height of the verbal abuse) spend an hour saying this. when i finally exploded on her. she ended up finding out about my dad and used it against me. she said id grow up to be just like my drunk of a father. even though i know shes crazy... it still bothered me. but this brings me a little comfort, so thanks.

I'm so sorry that your teacher wounded you that way! Totally wrong in my book. We don't end up like our parents if we choose not to. And most of us don't!!

Analyzing things more objectively, I can see why some people believe that. Speaking for myself, in my early adulthood I didn't know other way than the brutal way my family treated each other. Consequently, that's what I brought to relationships I had.

It took a lot of learning and realizing that my love life wasn't going anywhere with all the anger, and with the way I was treating other people. It was a process, and now I can say that no, I haven't become any of the poor excuse for adults I grew up around. I have no interest in mistreating anyone, even when they rub me the wrong way. It is a PTSD thing in some cases when some instances trigger past episodes.

So I am in no way saying that the myth is true, but that there are things that can make it look like it is since there are effects of abuse in that respect. I came into adulthood exposed to only the way my family brought me, and with the mental health consequences of all that abuse. Am I an abuser? No. Have I been abusive to others? Sadly yes, but then I learned to do better and I do better. It's hard for me to say that I have been abusive to others but it's the truth. Not proud of it, I took full responsibility for it and I have learned my lessons, and most importantly, I stopped.

I think some of us leave childhood abuse and abuse others, and some of us take abuse. Because it was normal as a child, it was what we saw.
I think those of us who continue through adolescence and into adulthood finding ourselves in abusive relationships have a better chance of healing and finding our way out of the the cycle. I think this is because we are victims, and are not passing on our pain, unlike those who become what they saw and pass the abuse along to others.
I do beleive we can all heal, and we can all break the cycle, but seeing it for what it is is necessary for us to take that step.

Something that I really find very painful to witness is seeing my siblings mistreating their children the same way we were abused when we were growing up. The same question comes to mind every time: Did you forget how that felt? I didn't. And it hurts to see that happening and even more feeling powerless to do something about it.