I used to fantasize about what I would do to my mother. I would go to the last place we lived, which was a small trailer in the desert, nail plywood sheets over the doors and windows to keep her trapped inside, and then burn the trailer down to the ground with her in it. I never actually sought revenge, though. Today, I no longer have those thoughts. I have to some extent moved on to other things, such as striving to become a better person and trying to build a life for myself that is as close to my definition of normal as possible.

My worst abuser lives in a very nice part of town. He's a psychopath and was loved by many adults when I was a child. He enjoyed being "respectable" even though he tortured me endlessly.

I often entertain the thought of making a sign, "A pedophile lives here" and sitting on the sidewalk in front of his house. Even if people thought I was crazy, it would make them think and it would tarnish his reputation. Further, it would make it less likely that anyone in the neighborhood would ever let their kids near him alone.

I'll never do it, though. Perhaps I'm too chicken because I'm sure he'd find a way to make me suffer again.

I used to fantasize a way to break the abusers down to blithering wrecks. That is, put them in a rehab style group. (I went to a fucked rehab.) Have this group of people yelling and screaming abuse at them, for days and weeks if necessary. Long enough for the abusers to become complete wrecks, shattered human beings.

I'd mostly just like for my step father to go back and serve the other 25 years of prison he was originally sentenced to (without the possibility of parole). I think it's absurd that he was able to get out, and that he somehow has the support of his family (who don't believe it happened). When he was in there I used to hope that he was at least getting raped himself since I don't consider prison time a proper punishment. He stole my life. There's no legal way for me to steal his.

I'm glad this post is here. I've had a lot of people tell me that I was a f***ed up person for wanting any kind of revenge. I just can't understand how anyone could hear about it and not want the same thing. This kind of thing should provoke feelings of rage.

StephApparently, sometimes I hear news stories about people who do horrific crimes and I think to myself, what if in addition to time behind bars, we brought back torture as a penalty? As for criminals in general, I don't think any of them ever repay their debt to society by serving time in prison or jail. I think after criminals are released from incarceration, a part of their paychecks for the rest of their lives should go to actually repaying their victims for their losses and for their pain and suffering.

Part of me wishes that my abusers would go through what I did, would suffer the way I did, the ways they made me suffer.
But then it always occurs to me that they are what they are because of what they went through. My mother is a warped, bitter, self indulgent and nasty person. Just like her mother was, and she treated me just as her mother did, only the ways she tortured me were just a touch different, so she could compare them and think she was better. After all, locking a crying toddler in a dark bathroom is WAAYYY better then holding them under a cold shower til they stop crying, right? She did go through what I did, and it made her what she is today. She knows the pain, she just doesn't have the strength to break the cycle.
My second abuser, I know what happened to him. He used to tell me after he was done abusing me and after he had drank a six pack or so. He had been sexually abused by his uncle and his aunt. HE knew the pain, the mental torture he put me through. He went through it too. The pitted scars I used to stare at on his chest while he raped me? Bite marks, just like mine. The circle shaped scars on his back? From his aunt putting out cigirettes on his back. He had been there, but he knew no other way to be then to perpetuate that. I always felt so bad, I really do think he loved me, it wasn't his fault he was such a twisted soul his ways of showing love were torture to me. Thats just, what you did when you loved someone! I confronted him, when I was older, after I had my son, I needed him to get out of my life and I had tried everything else to get him to stop stalking me and my family. I told him, I told him what it was like, what scars he had left me mentally and physically. I told him how ashamed I was and hard it was to forever need to explain to people why I had half moon shaped scars all over my shoulders. What do you tell someone? "Oh, I like it rough" Grin. I mean really? No spaghetti straps in public, no bikinis. Or how I have been sexually retarded for years, because of him. I watched him while I told him. I listened as he cried, and apologized, and said he didn't mean to, he didn't want to hurt me, he just didn't know what else to do. And I told him, get help. Get out of the abusive relationship with a stronger woman who abuses you and go get help. I also told him if I ever, EVER found out he had done this to ANYONE else, I would take him to court, and if all else failed, I would kill him. And he nodded, and he told me, I'd deserve it if I ever did it again, I can't know any other way, but no one deserves to go through what we did.
My ex, ah, now theres a man I wish vengance on, in abundance. Because his family didn't abuse him, his brother (twins!) came out just fine, as did his step brothers, step sisters and all of his adopted siblings. For him I wish (I truly do, and I may see it one day!) I wish upon him a woman who is just as oblivious, callous and hurtful as him. I wish her to be controlling, jealous and sadistic. I wish her to tell him every morning he steps out of the shower, idly as she does her hair, how disgusting his beer gut is. I wish her to constantly disapprove of his clothing choices, as they are not appropriate to the setting, and how embarrassing that is. I wish her to put her foot down on him going to boys nights, staying after work for a few beers, or ever stepping foot in a strip club. And I wish her to tell him that should he ever, EVER break those simple rules, even once, she will take him to court, get a divorce and take every red cent he has, and every item he owns. Because she earned them, just by putting up with him. And you know what? I might get to see this come true, because most of his female freinds are like this, nasty b!#$%@, and I hope he enjoys them! LMFAO!
I love hearing about his dating adventures, they are like little mini revenges. I loved the time he took a fairly nice gal out to diner, made her go dutch, had her buy him a few rounds at a strip club she told him she didn't want to go to. Then when he took her home to have a cup of coffee, asked if she'd clean up a bit while the coffee brewed. I heard from his aunt (who was living there at the time) she threw the pot of coffee on the floor (BROKE IT!) and told him he was a cheap, fat assed sorry redneck jerk-off, and to never call her again. Oh and by the way, your pants make your ass look huge. And she walked out! LMAO! I guess he was so stunned, he couldn't even talk afterwards, and went on a diet the next day :P
Oh wow, I actually feel better now, thanks!

That was an excellent story, Country Woman...I enjoyed that too. I really liked that comment about his pants...lol...what a perfect line to leave him with.

But I agree with your comment about abusers who have been abused themselves. Both my parents suffered abuse in childhood, especially my mother. She was a wreck for her entire life because of it. It happened at an orphanage.

I never sought revenge against them, in fact I did whatever I could for them in their later years when they needed me. That said, a revenge fantasy does no harm to anyone, so I say go for it if it makes you feel even a little better.

I got bullied really badly in school, since I was small and underweight. I often have fantasies about defending myself from people who might attack me. I've learned a lot about self defense since those days at school, and I always feel a sense of emotional release after a fantasy about a counter-attack against a mugger or home invader. I think that's a good thing.

I would love to write a movie script about a guy with military experience who sets up a 50 cal in his attic and springs a surprise on a couple of carloads of local thugs who try to do a drive-by and shoot up his house. Your average car or pickup truck is no defense against military grade ammo...might as well be made out of cardboard.

I got my revenge i never wish death on any one i dont care if dey shot at me or harmed me none way could i sink down ta der level i egged der house yeah a felony but hey it felt good oh another way i got revenge iz slashin der tires yes see petty crimes but hey it made me feel better i some times wish death on dem but if i wuz ta kill dem den dat would make me worser den dem cuz dey try ta kill me but dey never succeeded so i could never do dat im a chicken shit an i got no problem bin a chicken shit cuz dat means i aint like dem

I did get some revenge. My mother ignored me as a child and was more interested in material things. To her the house was more important than me. So I have disowned her. I have not had contact with her in 4 yrs. and now her precious house is up for sale. She always wanted to be the center of attention but now she gets none from me. I think this is appropriate revenge since it also helps me with getting on with my life without her manipulation. As far as revenge on others, I have thought about it but as I got older the anger and revenge seeking lessened.

This allows me to feel a little more typical. Thanks for this post.

What you are saying is that thoughts are different from actions.
I guess as long as we don't move into actually planning a purchase, then we can have our fantasy. It is just fantasy for that inner child.