A Child Abuse Survivors Group Community Group
We survived child abuse, but the pain still remains and so do the other effects which can last a lifetime. We are often unable to find adequate help, and we are seeking answers that can help us understand what happened so that we can go on to lead normal lives. (Please note that this is a group for child abuse survivors only. If you are a professional in the mental health...
As someone who was abused during childhood, I only learned how to survive, and never really learned how to live until much later in life.
Surviving meant burning bridges. I had to cut off all contact with my family. So, I learned that I must cut off all contact with every person I ever knew of in life. I did not stay around anyone long enough for them to get to know me or for me to get to know them, because my past had taught me that to survive, I must cut off all contact with other people immediately and permanently to avoid pain and harm. I had no friendships or other types of human relationships. Not only had my past taught me to avoid people, it also hadn't taught me how to trust or how to communicate with other people, thus reinforcing bridge burning as all I knew how to do.
Surviving meant running away from and hiding from everyone and everything. I did not hold a job or live in one place very long. I felt I had to keep running from my past - the pain, the shame, the overwhelming fear. I had to run and hide from other people, because what if they found out what a bad person I really was, being someone who had been abused? Somehow I had gotten the idea in my head that being abused made me a bad person. My abusers must have planted that idea in my head. I had to keep running if I wanted to survive.
Living is something different from surviving. Living means learning how to trust people and how to communicate with people. Living means learning what friendship is, and hopefully being able to experience it one day. Living is staying in a job and a place to live long enough to begin building something worthwhile. Living means finally realizing that the abuse done to me wasn't my fault. Living means learning an entirely new approach to life.
Where are you in your life progress as a survivor of abuse - are you surviving, or are you living? What have you learned along the way?
Surviving meant burning bridges. I had to cut off all contact with my family. So, I learned that I must cut off all contact with every person I ever knew of in life. I did not stay around anyone long enough for them to get to know me or for me to get to know them, because my past had taught me that to survive, I must cut off all contact with other people immediately and permanently to avoid pain and harm. I had no friendships or other types of human relationships. Not only had my past taught me to avoid people, it also hadn't taught me how to trust or how to communicate with other people, thus reinforcing bridge burning as all I knew how to do.
Surviving meant running away from and hiding from everyone and everything. I did not hold a job or live in one place very long. I felt I had to keep running from my past - the pain, the shame, the overwhelming fear. I had to run and hide from other people, because what if they found out what a bad person I really was, being someone who had been abused? Somehow I had gotten the idea in my head that being abused made me a bad person. My abusers must have planted that idea in my head. I had to keep running if I wanted to survive.
Living is something different from surviving. Living means learning how to trust people and how to communicate with people. Living means learning what friendship is, and hopefully being able to experience it one day. Living is staying in a job and a place to live long enough to begin building something worthwhile. Living means finally realizing that the abuse done to me wasn't my fault. Living means learning an entirely new approach to life.
Where are you in your life progress as a survivor of abuse - are you surviving, or are you living? What have you learned along the way?
It's never too late! But all the better if you get help for yourself sooner than later.
I understand exactly what you mean about running constantly to stay ahead of your past. I've done that for a long time...always got to keep moving so the bad stuff doesn't catch up to me and drown me in despair.
I'm not sure I can do anything else anymore, it's what I'm used to doing now. Whenever I let too much of the past into my head, I start sinking.
It reminds me of that joke about the guy who got beat up and dumped out in the desert. He woke up with amnesia and no idea where he was.
So he says to himself....I'll just be calm and lay out the positives and negatives, then make a plan. I can't remember my past, I'm a long way from my fellow human beings, nobody knows where I am. OK, now I'll list the negative things.
I went for a bike ride thinking that this would be therapeutic. My supervisor asked me how my knee was; I said it was fine, he said I was not fine (in a kind tone, concerned possibly). I rode because I wanted to know that I could. Because I wanted to know I could still use my body on my terms. Because I wanted to be seen as being in better shape than realized. Because I don't want to be sloughed off because I don't have anywhere to go; if I'm seen as strong, maybe I can stay at least until what was offered?
(finally you all I can relate to people!) Whereas all my life, I just thought I was STRANGE. Not like other people in that I do/ did not get close either. Too close and WHAM! ya. A lot of father's control abuse was SPACE intrusion. --verbal abuse me; then come into my room/ /me standing there(after verbal); hug me and told me, he loved me. That screwed up or what! And he would {embrace me like hug} so I couldn't get away!
NO PERSONAL SPACE. between father and daughter--- uh not good. Definitely not normal.
This is SO interesting. And SO COOL that I get to grow along with you all. I AM NOT ALONE ANYMORE.
~ean, I hear you, loud and clear. You stated, I rode because I wanted to know that I could. That is so true for us like myself, never ever have imagined we'd feel or be like this way. I was actually thinking about this in /morning. I have always worked out myself to DEATH! .Step aerobics , gym in past I'd go to., walk... I overdo EVERYTHING and ANY thing. -and what the Hell would I feel like not being able to even walk in my near to future, which may happen. (doc told me)
~ean, you today have been in survival mode. I know that condition all too well. Today though I was thinking its easier to just coast along like I have for thirty some years, than to have to be "ALERT" and alive 24/7. It is a lot of WORK! Sometimes we need to take a chance even if it is a bad turnaround. -just to know that we
still could. BECAUSE , otherwise we'd NEVER know.
WN2D, Good for you. I'm sure its been a very difficult four years. I'm happy for your NEW awareness in life.
Dyna, -you are learning still. -I feel the same way....all I need is one consistent person, who accepts me,...!
Beaumont, your abuse you got was not your fault. and don't let anybody tell you different!
Richie, That is very interesting.
I relate so well in that I worked in every little town around area of my town; city I was raised. we never moved when I was young or adult. I moved out to go to college. (felt like I abandoned my brother in doing so)
I'd have job interviews and always GET the job! That was when I would get too "comfortable" or too close to co-workers, and feel the need to move along again. Some part of me was obviously very aggressive.(FEAR)
I've always been a RUNNER. I learned that meaning of that word while in Tx center for alcohol/drug.
I worked in towns I don't even remember names!! They are like small populations-very small. ----RUNNER!
----gratefully gizzzy