A Child Abuse Survivors Group Community Group
We survived child abuse, but the pain still remains and so do the other effects which can last a lifetime. We are often unable to find adequate help, and we are seeking answers that can help us understand what happened so that we can go on to lead normal lives. (Please note that this is a group for child abuse survivors only. If you are a professional in the mental health...
My dad committed suicide when I was 3 years old, my sweet grandmother took care of me until I was 7 years old because my mom was never home, either working or out with friends. My mom remarried when I was 7 and we moved to a different city in the same state. We had a Brady bunch sort of family, I had 2 stepbrothers and a step sister who loved to fight and constantly picked fights with me.
My stepfather was a fireman so he worked every other day. My mom made us clean nearly everyday, if we didn't clean our rooms good enough to suit her she would rip everything out of our closets and drawers and make us redo it, if we said one word she didn't like she would kick us, hit us with her fists and call us sluts and whores and if we even put our hands up to defend ourselves, she would tell our father we hit her. He would then beat us with either a belt, board, or switch depending on what time of year it was, sometimes he would wait several days before administering the punishment. Once when I was about 13 he tied me, my sister and stepsister to the bed and beat us for about an hour. My mom once locked me outside in the snow for about a half hour in the snow with no shoes or coat. My stepfather also did inappropriate things to me and my sisters when our mom wasn't around and told us he'd kill us if we ever told.
To be honest, I blame my mother more than my stepfather who died about 8 years ago. She is still alive at 83 and tries to guilt us about the little bit of inheritance we might receive,. She has such a way of making you not want to do anything for her. I don't even blame my real father for killing himself as I can understand how she might have drove him to it. She has recently lost a lot of her weight and she constantly insults me and my bother about our weight even though neither me or my brother have ever been close to her top weight of about 250. My best friend remembers how she would tell our deepest secrets in front of our friends to embarrass us, for instance, she would tell everyone about my stepbrothers bed-wetting problem, that was when people didn't understand that bed-wetting was the result of a medical problem such as my youngest who had an under active valve in his bladder.
My mother has never once told me she loves me or hugged me, I cried like a baby at my oldest sisters funeral when she died at 46 from alcoholism but I will not cry at my mother's funeral because she does not deserve my love. She has caused me to live a terrible existence with BPD and I will not forgive her for that. I have made an extreme effort to break the abuse cycle with my own children whom I live for, I could never treat my children the way I was treated.
Sorry, just needed to vent.
My stepfather was a fireman so he worked every other day. My mom made us clean nearly everyday, if we didn't clean our rooms good enough to suit her she would rip everything out of our closets and drawers and make us redo it, if we said one word she didn't like she would kick us, hit us with her fists and call us sluts and whores and if we even put our hands up to defend ourselves, she would tell our father we hit her. He would then beat us with either a belt, board, or switch depending on what time of year it was, sometimes he would wait several days before administering the punishment. Once when I was about 13 he tied me, my sister and stepsister to the bed and beat us for about an hour. My mom once locked me outside in the snow for about a half hour in the snow with no shoes or coat. My stepfather also did inappropriate things to me and my sisters when our mom wasn't around and told us he'd kill us if we ever told.
To be honest, I blame my mother more than my stepfather who died about 8 years ago. She is still alive at 83 and tries to guilt us about the little bit of inheritance we might receive,. She has such a way of making you not want to do anything for her. I don't even blame my real father for killing himself as I can understand how she might have drove him to it. She has recently lost a lot of her weight and she constantly insults me and my bother about our weight even though neither me or my brother have ever been close to her top weight of about 250. My best friend remembers how she would tell our deepest secrets in front of our friends to embarrass us, for instance, she would tell everyone about my stepbrothers bed-wetting problem, that was when people didn't understand that bed-wetting was the result of a medical problem such as my youngest who had an under active valve in his bladder.
My mother has never once told me she loves me or hugged me, I cried like a baby at my oldest sisters funeral when she died at 46 from alcoholism but I will not cry at my mother's funeral because she does not deserve my love. She has caused me to live a terrible existence with BPD and I will not forgive her for that. I have made an extreme effort to break the abuse cycle with my own children whom I live for, I could never treat my children the way I was treated.
Sorry, just needed to vent.
I told my father to take his bible and shove it up his ass. He's one of those religiously abusive people who uses Christianity and the bible to always be right and further abuse other people. So to me it was the most liberating experience I had.
Like Shanepdx wrote, we can choose our family now. I personally decided that I don't owe any of my family of origin any loyalty.
I know how much courage it takes to post your story. Thank you, many of us do know well what you went through.
I've read that the withholding of love and affection by a child's mother can have a more devastating effect than the physical violence of abuse. Children very much need their bond with their mother or another adult to develop properly. I also have no memories of hugs or words of affection. My mother rarely touched me, as best I can remember.
As an adult, I don't really like it when someone touches me for any reason. Obviously that hinders the process of forming relationships.
HUGS HUGS HUGS :)
There is no forgiveness for him, I used to hate him but today I just choose to feel nothing since in my opinion, he is a energy vampire who gets off on causing any kind of negative emotions relating to causing pain and suffering. Your mom does sound like the profile I have of those types of people.
Mr. E
I hope that you can come to a place where you can forgive all those who have hurt you. Forgiveness is not for them, but for you. It breaks the control they have had on you. Get even with your abusers and take back control of your life. Refuse to allow them to be a part of one more day of your life.
I am praying for you.
problems with your prior abuse. I am thankful for this site as a safe place to share with others who understand.
my parents never did anything for their kids something ppl dont understand at all just cuz u have kids doesnt make u a parent. if u dont have the love, caring, mentality, capability, etc of a parent then ur not a parent ppl have their definitions so backwards. im the same way i wont be crying at my parents' funeral they are 66 and 65. both of them are narcs/sociopaths again something never understand.
today i have my therapy session this afternoon. my parents are sperm donor and breeder perfect for each other dont see why they both want a divorce. their drama my therapist said it works for them but for the normal ppl dont see why they r still together and she agrees.