One of the risks that we who have endured years of abuse and trauma from childhood face is that of becoming too emotionally attached to the first non-abusive people with whom we have contact. Also, because at the same time we fear and distrust all people, we may do things that put barriers between ourselves and the first non-abusive people we encounter in life. So, there we are, finding ourselves obsessing about people, while simultaneously doing things that keep ourselves at a distance from those people.

Some people call this by the fancy name 'reactive attachment disorder.' I am going to call it 'a normal reaction of people who have had abnormal unpleasant experiences that occurred over a period of years.' It is not at all unusual for us to become overly attached to doctors, nurses, social workers, therapists, counselors, teachers, and other people who we find ourselves around at the time we are separated from our abusers, or even years after the separation happens. Maybe these people rescued us, or maybe they were the first people who talked to us like we were actual human beings, or maybe they helped us with basics like food, shelter, or clothing. We may not have had much contact with them, but we can all of a sudden think that we are in love with them and want to have a close relationship with them, or we might be hostile and rude to them to keep them at a distance so that they can't hurt us, or we might do both at the same time.

We must, and we can, learn how to not become too attached to people, especially in an obsessive way. Yet, as human beings, we are made to become attached to others, and it is normal and healthy for us to have emotional attachments. In all situations in which we become attached, we must engage our intellects and make a realistic examination of the the situation. We should ask ourselves, "Why am I feeling this way?" "Does the other person have the same feelings that I do, and what if he or she doesn't?" "Am I making too much of things?"

I genuinely hope that each and every member of A Child Abuse Survivors Group has opportunities to experience normal, healthy attachments with other caring people. Maybe someday even I will, it's not impossible. Just know that you are not defective or crazy or stupid or anything else if you have had attachments to other people that are too sudden and too strong from time to time. You are more normal and healthy than you may know. Live . . . and learn.