I never initiate the friends thing, but I never turn down a request either. I have a couple hundred people on my friends list and talk to maybe ten of them at most. Anyone who wants to be my friend is welcome to send the request.

I am like heretic i have tons of friends on mylist but many of them have come and gone from DS. I often wonder how they are doing. I only have a few long time friends that i know that are very active on DS or journal on a regular basis. It is very helpful to connect with people that understand what ive been threw and that have something in common with. You begin to see that you are not alone in your fight for recovery from things in your past.

I recently had a D.S. member begin private messaging me and harassing me and I asked him to stop, to not contact me and to leave me alone. He did not. I checked and he was on the Anger Management Board too and apparently learned nothing there. I put him on IGNORE.

I have learned that quite a few on D.S. have blocked their profile and don't accept new friends in order to protect themselves. I blocked my profile and I have slowed down greatly on accepting new friends. I'm not one to be constantly privately messaging, but will go on the discussion boards.

I also forgot to add that a member very recently put on some D.S. boards that she had been impacted very negatively and hurt by a predator on D.S. and was warning others. So people are withdrawing and putting up walls about adding friends and blocking profiles, because there are some hurtful people on these boards that are striking privately.

I hear a lot of complaining about problems in this discussion topic. Get used to it, folks, you're going to have problems in life. So you deal with them and you move on. Don't let your problems become your life. Sure, just as in the physical world, you're going to encounter problem people. Some of them are psychopaths, and they live to cause pain in others. I have encountered them, too. You can go to people's profiles and put them on ignore if you don't like them. I have put dozens of members of DS on ignore. I also add and remove people on my friends list every week. You can, too.

If you wait for other people to invite you to become your friend, you are subjecting yourself to the whims of fate. Take control of your life by actively seeking out people to be your friends. Read profiles, especially the profiles of people who have posted in groups recently. If you don't see anything objectionable on someone's profile, ask him or her to be your friend. Don't just sit back and expect other people to do all the work. It's that simple.

Don't evaluate your progress by the total number of friends you have. That's a meaningless number, and it's nothing to be either ashamed of or to brag about. Don't waste your time and effort comparing the number of friends you have with the number of friends someone else has. Instead, consider how much interaction you have. If you're not experiencing enough good interactions with people, regardless of how many or how few friends you have, then it's time to get busy and start asking more people to be your friends until you achieve the amount of meaningful interaction that you personally need.

Do you want friends or not? Are you happy being in the same old rut in life, or do you want to get out of the rut and move onto something better? Are you willing to have other people teach you how to practice friendship?

You can find healing in friendships. It's absolutely critical for those of us who are survivors of child abuse to find friends so that we can heal.

Whether you've never had real friends before or you're just out of practice because it's been a long time since you've had real friends, this website is a great place to begin practicing and making mistakes and learning. What we learn here about friendship we can apply to the real world.

I have never had real friends before, and I always blamed it on myself. Since having made friends on this website, I have come to realize it wasn't my fault, but instead was a product of my low self-esteem. When you have a low self-esteem as I do, you tend to find yourself around a lot of low-lifes. Low-lifes don't have real friendships, but instead, they use you and then abandon you until they want to take something else away from you. This website has helped me to understand that I need to actively seek out normal, healthy, well-adjusted people and avoid the low-lifes like you would avoid walking on broken glass on the ground.

Yes, a few valid points Beaumont, I'll take your advice.
Thanks,
jimindigo

We make mistakes, and go on. Yes, I have been badly abused by people my whole life. However, I choose to be better, not bitter. I no longer let this abuse happen to me anymore. I am very careful who I let in my life now. I really have met a lot of good people on these sites. However, I also have been targeted as well. We have to realize these things are going to happen. It is what it is..There are nice people everywhere, we just have to find them...

Theres some very good advice here on this topic. I never looked at DS as a tool to re-learn how to make friends in real life or how to avoid making mistakes in real life but that is very helpful to look at it that way. I dont find myself so hesitant to make friends here on DS..... what i do is if i get a friend request i do look at the profile and see if we have anything in common with each other. Choosing to be better and not bitter is where i want to be just gonna take some time to get there.

Beaumont, please don't look at anyone here discussing what happened to them as complaining. I don't consider talking about harassment I received on D.S. as complaining, just as I don't consider people talking about depression, anxiety, or their child abuse as complaining. And as you said, I dealt with it and moved on.

I dealt with it by now not accepting most friend requests because people's profiles don't tell you they are going to be a psychopath with you and others. And that's okay to not accept most friend requests and we are on the internet with no idea of who is on the other side. It's boundaries that we personally can set and it's okay that we do that to protect ourselves. I actually prefer talking on the discussion board.

Just as in real life as on DS not everybody can be your friend, if you have 5 people in your life you can call your friend than you are a lucky person. I do not except all friendships, specially if the name is not familiar to me. There is fakes on DS and we should be careful to whom we open up, Peace and Love.

Fear doesn't have to lead us anymore, nor self-limiting beliefs. The only way to find healing is outside of our comfort zones. We must invite people into our lives or remain forever locked in painful loneliness.

Beaumont, I know your intentions are good. The alternative way to find healing is through a licensed therapist and to follow what they say and work with them closely. Doing that at times means having to ignore the advice of well meaning people on online boards.

I got an email today from a member of this group that shows why - FOR ME - this is a bad idea and one I won't initiate. I'm sorry for any discomfort this response may be for the individuals who did not contact me directly.

I don't typically initiate 'friendships' and I don't accept 'friendship' requests unless I see a bio or some writings somewhere so I know of the caliber of person who's being drawn to me. I need to start setting some stronger boundaries and if I can't do it writing...

I would like to have genuine friends and will add people .. This is bout understanding and sharing, give and take.