Some things I have learned by trial and error by trying different things until I found what seemed to me to be best. Some things I have learned from the media of television, radio, and print. From the media I learned that a person is supposed to have eight hours of sleep a night, drink eight glasses of water a day, eat three meals a day, brush his or her teeth twice a day, have a circle of five or six close friends, and lots of other stuff. It all sounds right, so it must be right. But when I tried to do these things, I failed over and over and thought that made me a failure. What I didn’t know is that the media is made up of people in a rush to get something said before a deadline, to fill a fixed amount of television or radio airtime, or fill a certain amount of space on a page. Filling the space is their priority. So often what they do is just repeat what they have heard from someone else, without really checking it thoroughly for accuracy and completeness. The media is not really the best source for my learning.

My best learning has come in bits and pieces from other people, who though they didn’t know it, were filling in the blanks in my knowledge that came from being brought up by ineffective parents. It doesn’t match up with the media says. The amount of sleep needed varies from person and even for one person it can vary from night to night; a REM cycle lasts about two-and-one-half hours, so if you sleep for eight hours you are achieving three complete Random Eye Movement cycles, which may be about right sometimes but too much or not enough other times. The best guide for how much water to drink is thirst, however, under strenuous activity or in harsh climates, drink more water than your thirst tells you to. Some days one meal is sufficient, other days nibbling off and on throughout the day is what a person needs; eat just when you are hungry if it’s possible, though for some people a rigidly fixed eating schedule with a precise calorie count and portion size may be what they need. The optimum time to brush your teeth is within the first twenty minutes after eating, and if you can’t brush your teeth, a little mouthwash or rinsing your mouth with plain water is the next best thing. You need the number of friends you can live with, whether it’s one or one hundred or somewhere in between.

What have you experienced in learning about life, that perhaps you parents should have taught you but did not? We’ll read what you type and maybe you’ll help some of learn us how to live right. I know I’ve got a lot to learn.

I tend to learn from the people around me, and mainly for me it's learning about what is "normal" functional relationships between parents and kids, and between friends, and between significant others.
For day to day living, I did grow up in a way which was different. My parents were hoarders (tons of neat stuff smashed into an unorganized small space) and they did not clean up well after themselves. They were hygenic, almost to the point of being OCD (I think my mom is), which I learned was not normal. Our normal daily focuses were different from what many others would cite as normal, but not to an extreme or bad degree.
I have learned a lot from observing happy couples, happy families and happy friends, and I try to surround myself with them and emulate them. I have to work hard in my own relationships to keep lines of communication open and not shut down and hide, for me that is really key to keeping things healthy. I see that hiding in bathrooms is not normal, I try to avoid that, but sometimes I can't help it! Luckily, if I get stuck in a situation at a dinner party or something where I'm not coping well, politely excusing myself to the bathroom is not seen as too odd, not coming back again gets people sometimes, but they usually just send someone to check on me and I can make excuses, or come out but avoid the people who were triggering me. Or say I have girl problems, borrow a pad I don't need and leave! Don't laugh, I have done this! But while huddling by a toilet and hiding is weird, having an embarrassing pad emergency is not. Whew.
I know my personal chosen (now) lifestyle is not considered normal by many people, but luckily I found a community niche where it is, and I stay there. I like that most of my days are spent working hard outside, is that normal for a cute 100lb woman? Nope. But it is just a little odd, not really strange, in a rural community, and so it slides by.
I ask people too, because I am not shy, and I explain that I am coming out of a rough ten year marriage. I ask them how they stayed together as long as they have? What do they do to help talk to eachother? How do they deal with rough spots in a relationship? How does their mother help them when x/y/z happens? Anything I need help with at that time, I ask people. And I make sure I let them know they are not obliged to answer, sorry if I'm being nosy, and heres why I am asking this. Most people have been happy to pass on their grains of wisdom. The more I watch and ask and learn, the more I see is similar between each functional relationship, while dysfunctional ones are so often dysfunctional in many different ways.
Things I am still struggling to learn, how to pick and wear clothes I like. What do I like? I'm not sure. Does it look good on me? Or do I look trashy, goofy, ect? I don't know. I'm used to my SO or mother dressing me. It's hard for me to do that. So I look at other people I like and respect, and at what they are wearing, and try and find similar things, if I think I like what they wear.
Eating. I know it is normal to eat three times a day, maybe with snacks. I know my caloric intake should be around 3000 calories a day (had a workup by my doc) but I do not know how people do that. I eat maybe twice a day, and I feel bloated and indulgent for doing so. I'm really struggling with this one, although I am trying hard so I can model a normal healthy diet for my son. I watch him and my SO go back for seconds or thirds at diner, and think, wow, how can they eat all that! LOL!

It took me a lot longer than 18 years to unlearn what I had learned from my parents. Life can be rough, but we can overcome! I'm living proof that it's possible. Not that I'm perfect. God just showed me within the last month another of the defense mechanisms that I was still using from childhood that I needed to give up.

My mom left me when I was 14 and I moved in with a youth leader from the local church. I remember I was in the kitchen with her and she casually asked me to chop an onion. I had never seen an onion. Everything I had ever eaten had come from a box or a bag. I had no idea how to chop it, how big the pieces should be, etc. I was so humiliated. I tried to pretend I knew what I was doing, but I was completely lost and embarrassed. That has been the story of my life. Additionally, I was kept out of school from 1st grade through 9th grade, so once I was back in school, I was completely behind and had no idea what the American revolution was or how to basic math... anything. It has not been a fun road. Teachers don't believe you when you say, "I've never learned that."

Except for.... laundry! For my 8th birthday my mom taught me how to use the washing machine and drier so she wouldn't have to wash my clothes anymore. From then on I was responsible for washing the family laundry. I'm really, really good at laundry now!!

I learned all sorts of stuff that I didn't necessarily need, so I, too, have unlearning still to do. I'm working on that, though. And it can be done. It just takes practice like everything else!

I'd never been in a super market or stores until I ran away when I was about 15. I didn't know how to buy food from a market, so I stood at the door for a while, and watched what people are doing. When I got an apartment for the first time, I didn't know how to use the washer and dryer. I red all of the instructions posted on the wall, but I couldn't start the machine. I waited until a lady came to do her own laundry. She showed me how. When I first got a car, and needed to put some gas, I didn't know how to pump gas, so I asked the casheir if he could show me how. He completly ignored me. So for like 15 min., I stood there till a nice guy agreed to help me out. A greatest blessing came into my life about 7 years ago. I was scamed and lost a place to live. I met a girl who were looking for roommates, and I got a room through her. She was from a normal home, and she showed me a lot of stuff. She knew I was kinda odd, but she thought it was just a cultural differences (I was born and raised in Japan). I don't know how to make casseroles/meat loafs/jello cakes etc., everyday stuff. No one really fed me growing up. But I hung out at a kitchen of a restaurant most of my childhood, I used to eat with the stuff there when they ate, and by 8 yeas old, I learned to cook some 5 star goumet restaurant food (which isn't really helping me with my extreamly low bugdet way of living).... I'm not sure what to do during social events such as wedding, birthdays, baby showers etc., but I usually go. I always learn what "normal" feel like. Sometimes it's painful to learn what I've been missing, but other times, it feels good to be around something "normal".

I had almost the opposite experience - during the day, my family was all about seeming and acting normal in every way (with a few exceptions). I learned the normal skills, especially how to act normal even if I didn't feel normal. Unfortunately, I never learned much about how to be honest with myself and others, how to love myself or others, and how to care about somebody without giving up my entire life to help them. These are hard to learn, but I have some role models and I hope someday to learn these skills.