I read your blog and I have seen times like that. Sometimes we have to add a different "ingredient" to our life to make it what we are looking for. Help yourself than help you God, my grandma used to say. It is a difficult world, but we are Gods children and we should look forward to the Kingdom of God, the fullfillment of the Gospel Jesus was preaching; that is my hope and I have faith, even I have my dark days, the devil will not defeat me. Peace and Love.

Please hang on, sweetie! Can you see a therapist? You are going to get better, but, you can't do this alone. And yes, you are going to get better. I know it's hard to see right now. You are not alone. I really think you don't want to die, because if you did, you would be dead by now....but you are not. You are a person who is worthy of a better life. It's normal to feel numb and dead inside after you were so horribly violated that this should never have happened. But, it did, and you had no control over what happened to you. You are not to blame, the monster who did that to you is. But, now, you have the ability to take control of your own life.I not only hear your pain, I feel your pain. I had severe physical and mental abuse as a child, and I was sexually abused by an uncle, and so was my sister. Please get professional help. I tried to end my life when I was 16 years old, 18 years old, and then again at twenty. I am so glad I didn't die, because then I would not of found the happiness I have now at 57 years old. And no. life has not been easy for me. Because of my abuse, I now have several mental health disorders that I have to deal with on a everyday basis. But, I learned how to cope with this, and go on with my life. So, no, you didn't have control over what happened to you, but, you can take control of your life now, and get some help. You are a survivor, you are strong. you just don't see this right now...This is why I am on this site, to tell others if I could turned my life around, from negative to positive, so can you. It was a lot of work, but, I am worth it, and so are you. I am here anytime you need someone to talk to. There's an angel on your shoulder...it's me. Angel Grace

HELLO, FOR SEVERAL YEARS I SAID TO MYSELF ;I DON'T NEED TO DIE I AM ALREADY DEAD'' BUT FAITH SAVED ME AND I AM ALIVE MANY YEARS LATER, AND YES ITS GOOD TO BE HERE, EVEN WITH ALL THE CHRONIC PAIN, I AM GOING TO READ YOUR BLOG, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THERE IS HOPE AND LIFE, WE CAN CLAIM WHAT ITS OURS TODAY AND MAYBE TOMORROW,,LOVE LUCY..

HELLO I READ SOME OF YOUR BLOG, IN IT YOU SAY THAT NOBODY CAN STOP YOU FROM DOING WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO NOT EVEN ''GOD'', BUT YOUR REACHING OUT TO US HERE ITS A CRY FOR HELP, I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF HELP YOU WANT, BUT YOUR MIND IS RACING, AND YOU NEED SOMEONE TO HELP YOU FIND PEACE, GUIDE YOU TO COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR ANGER, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG BEING ANGRY, WHY DON'T YOU WRITE DOWN A LIST OF WHATS MAKING YOU FEEL AS YOU DO AND WHAT WOULD HELP, BECAUSE AT THE END ONLY YOU KNOW THE ANSWER, IN THIS PLACE WE ALL HAVE BEEEN ABUSED ,BUT WE HAVE SURVIVED AND CAN GO ON, HOPEFULLY WE CAN HELP YOU, BE FRIENDS TO YOU, AND GIVE YOU HOPE OF A BETTER TOMORROW..YOU SAY YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY TO PAY YOUR BILL, BUT HAVE TO GO WITH YOUR SISTER, YOU SHOULD DISCUSS WITH YOUR SISTER AND MAYBE SHE CAN HELP YOU, YOU GOT TO HAVE A CLEAR VIEW OF WHAT NEED TO BE DONE, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE, DON'T GET UPSET BECAUSE YOUR BROTHER CANCELLED, THINGS HAPPEND AND WE GOT TO ADJUST TO THE SITUATION, HOPE YOU HAVE A BETTER TIME ,LOVE LUCY''''

Please forgive this intrusion. Let me know if I'm out of line and I won't pursue this again.

I have the same concerns that you've had, desirous of ending my life. I know it's asking a lot of you to live with the hurt you're feeling. Some had mentioned Jesus and faith; I am in a faith space right now (a Jewish retreat) and we have our insights on suicide. I don't know if you get anything from God so I won't speak on faith and faith systems.

I do see that you'd reached out to this community. You reached out for a reason, right? When you first decided to reach out what was your expectation? That inspiration to reach out, would you say it is your desire to live? If it is, can you see that as your choice over your own life? If it is not, then what was your purpose in permitting us to share in your struggle - how can we help in a way that's empowering to you? What avenues can you find where you are that will help you and empower you?

I ask you these questions to show you that you have a say in your life and it seems that on some level you know this because you chose to let us into your story. Do you want to know that there's more to life than abuse? I think there is; I think a lot of people do.

I'm responding because your story touches my soul; I go through the logistics of suicide on occasion as everyone does, and I reflect on it without being harsh to myself. I think that you do matter and your absence matters. Is your absence necessary in order to alleviate your hurt? Is there some other means to alleviate you suffering that you can take? It just doesn't sound to me like you want to leave but that you want this agony to stop. My evidence is that you reached out, and I think (for what it's worth) that that's great.

I won't tell you to rely on Hashem. It's an option but it has to be your choice. I won't tell you what to think because that would make me intrusive and I won't be abusive in any way. Some have mentioned getting comfort from faith, but some get comfort from NOT believing in a higher power. The point is what will give you comfort right now so that you can live your life on your terms? You are so much more that abuse. We are so much more than our pasts. You are Pasch and we can't take that from you nor can we design you because we aren't you. We can learn from you, we can enjoy your company, we challenge and be challenged by you; but control you? Define you? Tell you what to believe? These are yours to determine.

Is life worth living? Today I think my life is worth living. If I think something else tomorrow, I'll address it then on my terms. But that's my life. Ask yourself that question, ask if you're really done, if there isn't more adventure, and awe, and splendor to see IN SPITE OF abuse. And then know that you are worth the interest of others who will support and challenge you and support you some more as you fashion your life on your terms.

I hope I have not offended and am grateful for the permission and the lesson of your story.