Sometimes what people have to do to survive can make them feel sub-human because of the way society looks at them and treats them. I have had to do some things myself to survive that are no doubt unacceptable and worthy of condemnation in the eyes of others. I have never stolen from, begged from, or cheated people, but today, as I have done countless times before, I ate food out of a trash can. Five tacos, probably a few days old, but since I haven't eaten since last Thursday, I was glad to have them. Didn't taste great, but they were filling. There have been days when I had nothing but little packets of ketchup to eat, salvaged from fast food bags thrown in the garbage by more prosperous people than I. No, I have never gotten sick eating food out of the trash, because I have a sort of instinct that tells me when something isn't safe to eat, and it has never failed me. I've been eating food out trash cans and dumpsters since I was a teenager. Is it a dirty, disgusting habit? If it is, then I and millions of other Americans and people worldwide who eat food out trash cans, eat charity food from churches, and commodity food from food banks are pretty awful. Nah, I can't agree with that. It's a survival skill. Do I want people to say "You poor thing" or to offer me help? No. Sympathy and charity are two of the things that I do not know how to accept. (One of the other things I that I have difficulty with is compliments, because when someone offers me a compliment, it's almost as if I am being spoken to in a foreign language.)

Now that I've probably said more than anyone would ever want to know about me and risked alienating people in the group, let me tell you I posted this.

I want members of A Child Abuse Survivors Group to know that they are not bad people if they have had to do some difficult and even degrading things to survive. A man or woman who has to sell him or herself to survive sometimes has no other options, whether they living in Africa or Asia or Europe or America. Life isn't white picket fences and rose gardens for everyone. If you have to eat food that other people threw away, or work as a day laborer competing against illegal aliens for jobs, or collect empty beverage containers as your primary source of income, you are in no way a bad person. It does not matter if some people make condescending remarks about you. It does not matter if they stop and point and stare. You are surviving. You are a human being.

People rarely understand different. We are survivors, and that makes us different. I am one of a select few women you will ever meet who can out work a man, dead lift 200lbs (impressive when you account for the fact I weigh 90) and am a certified welder. I can string fence, shoot a deer at 300yards, and I know how to dress it to eat. Oh, and then I can cure the hide for wearing or tack! I spent a bulk amount of my later teen years escaping by heading out on ranches on horseback and living off the land. I packed enough grain for my horse, that was it. I ate what I could find, and none of it makes on a "normal" menu.
You do what you have to to get by. Thats all. It's not that we are less human or anything, it's that we were forced into less then normal circumstances. If I had crashed on a plane in a remote area and survived on my wits alone, I'd be considered amazing! But no, I chose to survive, to escape, and to live like that rather then endure what awaited me at "home". Thats not heroic in our society, but IMO, it should be!

I find it heroic! Screw those who don't see it that way. Wow, CW! I admire your survival instincts and skills!!

It is funny the various gauges people have about what is a successful life. My husband and I were watching a program about homeless people and one young man said he likes homelessness because it feels more like the right way to live. My husband, of course, thought that was a ridiculous thing to say, but I asked him what makes him the judge for how everyone else should live their lives especially when he had never tried that type of life. It may not be right for him but who is to judge someone else who prefers that type of life. Not to mention society encourages that type of life for many of it's citizens by not providing enough opportunities, one only need to look at the number of homeless returning vets.

I never really tied my feeling uneasy with compliments and not knowing how to respond to them to my parents constant berating and ridicule but it makes sense having had few compliments growing up doesn't give much practice at proper responses.