A Child Abuse Survivors Group Community Group
We survived child abuse, but the pain still remains and so do the other effects which can last a lifetime. We are often unable to find adequate help, and we are seeking answers that can help us understand what happened so that we can go on to lead normal lives. (Please note that this is a group for child abuse survivors only. If you are a professional in the mental health...
I have been in a lot of emotional pain since the weekend. It got triggered by being excluded by a couple of old friends. but it goes much deeper than that. It's as if I''m feelling all the pain from being exluded in my family. It was an alcoholic family, there were some times of abuse. But what I'm feeling is the incredible lack of nurturing, especially emotionally. By my late teens, i was looking after a disabled, and out of control alcoholic father. I was trying to rescue him from himself, and would listen while he explained that all his children were failures, and how nobody cared and he might as well die. Then, when I was 28, I had a mental breakdown. Partly from childhood, and partly from trauma as an adult, like a really abusive drug and alcohol rehab. Well, I knew dad was a loss, but i had some expectation of family support from others. LIke my siblings, my aunt. Well, they shunned me, and pretended I wasn't reallly in and out of psych hospital in a very desperate state.
I got reminded of this on the weekend, long story, and have been feeling waves of mega pain since. And really vulnerable. I think it's just a lifetime of pain. I just wondered if anyoone can relate. for example, when my mother was dying of cancer ( I was 17) we all pretended it wasn't happening. I never got to say goodbye to her, because she wasn't supposed to know she was dying. And after she died, everyone just went their own way.
I've never felt the pain of neglect this intensely before, and I feel that what I need to do is..accept it, let it burn through me, and think in terms of nurturing myself. I've got good friends in my life these days, and I've received a lot of love over the years, like in therapy.
It helps that I can relate to peopel on DS, and in my life. But, the pain is there, and I need to let it run its course.
I got reminded of this on the weekend, long story, and have been feeling waves of mega pain since. And really vulnerable. I think it's just a lifetime of pain. I just wondered if anyoone can relate. for example, when my mother was dying of cancer ( I was 17) we all pretended it wasn't happening. I never got to say goodbye to her, because she wasn't supposed to know she was dying. And after she died, everyone just went their own way.
I've never felt the pain of neglect this intensely before, and I feel that what I need to do is..accept it, let it burn through me, and think in terms of nurturing myself. I've got good friends in my life these days, and I've received a lot of love over the years, like in therapy.
It helps that I can relate to peopel on DS, and in my life. But, the pain is there, and I need to let it run its course.
Sending you hugs (((((((Nelliefay))))))). I think there was/has been a lot of pretending, especially in dysfunctional families. I remember my grandmother telling me about my uncle who had died when I was a child. He was in his late 30s at the time. And my grandmother told me how everyone pretended that he was going to get better (when he wasn't). They were all pretending, so no one ever spoke about his death and I am pretty sure it must have been awful for my cousins when he did die. They were young too, and victims of the pretense. His youngest daughter was about 7 years old then, and I cannot imagine how awful it must have been for her.
My mother could never explain to me why it was all such a secret, but she did not even know why her own brother died (and she was an adult at the time) until my grandmother told me years and years later. Really, I do not know where this all came from, but you are not alone with these family secrets that do nothing positive, IMHO.
I agree with you, there is a lot of love here and in the Universe. I have found some very loving friends at my church. Just having a conversation with them, gives me a happy, peaceful feeling. :-) Go where you need to in order to get the nurturing that you need. I have very often been there for my siblings, and two of them are really not capable of reciprocity. I now just keep an arms length and expect exactly zero support from them. That is all they are able to give me, just about nothing, so I accept that and go to people who can offer loving support.
Hugs,
Shar
Once I realised that this is the core of it, I felt relief. LIke 'ah, so it goes back to the rape'. Then, last night, I imagined god wrapping me in her arms, and me wrapping 'little me'' in my arms.
This morning, I'm at peace. I feel more than ever how much I want to help others with similar issues. I understand that I had to feel this pain, in order to get better from it. so, all is well today. And thanks again to Sharmlynn and Jenny, for your kindness.
Big hugs.