FIRST THOUGHT
Age 10; first time I started thinking in terms of leaving my family. I'd say: RUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SECOND THOUGHT
I'd go right to the nursery July 28, 1968 and just take me away, find me good home. ... I'd do whatever I'd have to do to be successful with this endeavor.

I'd say, Don't say no. Being brave is bad. Just get out.

I've actually done this. Started with a picture of myself I can see in my mind, taking a moment to connect with that inner child, then just talking and letting her know that everything is alright. Most importantly, I ask her if she wants to come with me now and she does. So I envision us holding hands and us walking back together to the present.

That is a brilliant exercise HMGM. I did something similar but it took me a long time and I spoke from a place of rage. It wasn't really to a younger me, not a child; more like a young adult who 'should know better'.

Yes, HMGM; that is a brilliant exercise. Actually I'm realizing lately it is a GOD-send for me to have MPD. guess I'm still using some my multiples /selves in everyday. I had lot memories flooding in/out while in the hospital in March; dealing with MPD,; I could not stop writing down memories- !

Up to age 15, when I began using and abusing drugs and alcohol; I lost "me" in the process. I really, truly "felt NOTHING"- my brain was numb; many of my counselors/therapists told me early on; from 1992 until present - I was smart in doing that and that I may not have survived if I would not have.( used.) WOW. -by suicide.

I should've been dead ten times over.-; ending up at unfamiliar homes, apartment buildings, garages, and the (unfamiliar people) who owned the places. .....usually drug dealers. I began to vomit at times I drank. I'd put away one case of beer within like four- hours or so. (with my ex' friends.) I did not drink "socially" and kind of slammed -Now I believe that alcoholism .... must have covered and hid my multiple personalities. I am in my 40's. (first DX)

my FIRST and ONLY DX ; MPD ,one year ago. plus I have a photographic memory. which is good and bad thing to have with severe trauma; (chronic, prolonged ptsd.) -that helped me to associate (song and year ) played on the radio... age 13-15, (father began to call me "slut","tramp-like",and "worthless") plus more. and in return after severe verbal attacks, he'd "give me a hug". ---he is narcissist.

and HMGM: that is so awesome. it reminds me of my brother and me both protecting each other from (him.)
In the hospital I had numerous personalities coming to the surface; I was saying, "you are alright" and it;s ok.

For the last four months maybe; I started looking at my face in my mirror here where I live. ......(my place)
I see myself as when I was going thru teen years. and before I began using alcohol and drugs. ...........13,14.
As for reaching my child in me .....she's hidden very well. and its going to take years- a counselor told me.
---gratefully gizzzy

HMGM,
I have to try that; it sounds very helpful, much better than what I've been doing.
Thanks!!

Thanks for the feedback on the exercise EAN, Gizzy and BL2. I actually have to credit my therapist for getting me to do this. I still remember feeling kind of foolish and awkward trying it the first couple times. But she was very non-judgmental and encouraging about it so I allowed myself to get into it.

Dissociation is very common in abuse and trauma survivors. I never realized how much I was doing this. I have particular memories from childhood of me acting like a "zombie" which I now know was me dissociating. Gizzy, the photographic memory can help you reach yourself at a particular time that you can still envision. Any images that keep coming to you are likely from a time that really needs to be healed. This is where I started - with specific photographic snapshots of myself from memory - it's easy to focus on that image which will take you back to that time. Then just allow yourself to be there, then talk to yourself as you were then, making sure to tell you-back-then that everything is alright, you're safe now. The first time I did this, I was saying goodbye to myself-back-then and watching my young sad face watch me leave. I told my therapist this and as I was telling her, I knew I had to return as I had just abandoned myself! This is why I always ask now if that part wants to come with me now and they always do.

It's a very healing exercise. I once saw at least a dozen versions of myself sitting in a group in a large empty church - it reminded me of an orphanage. I brought them all with me and I think the exercise helped me reintegrate them back into me.

HMGM, I thank you for posting this! Seriously, this explains further what I was going thru in the psych hospital. It just happened; I believe because of being in a safe place with a psychiatrist working diligently with me. It was an Awesome experience. I'm just shocked how I made it forty years without a psychiatrist diagnosing me MPD. I was the one who suggested I had it. with me knowing since my early teens; the mind is very intricate system!

And knowing how LOVE feels now; everything is so real to me. I crumbled when you portrayed your vision of you two holding hands and walking back together; (not alone) any longer. I had reintegrated some of my......
while in that hospital.

I would go back to 1978, when I was twelve years old. At that time, I would tell myself, "Life is messy. A terrible thing is going to happen to you soon, and you must do something drastic to try to stop it. Your mother is severely mentally ill and not fit to be your parent. She is a very bad person. You must not get on the school bus after school today, but instead, run around to the back of the school, and then keep running and do not stop. Your mother is planning to kidnap you once you get home from school today, and take you to bad places where you will be around bad people. What she will do to you will destroy your mind permanently. If you run away today, she will not be able to find you, and you stand a chance of altering the course of your life for the better. This is your only chance. Take it. Run."

You will grow up into a wonderful person who blesses the world with your compassion and kindness.

Make choices based on what you want NOT what mom wants. She will never be happy. She will never love you at all. In the end she will demand you fly 700 miles spending a small fortune on a last minute ticket only to throw you out the next day. All the effort you put into trying to get her to love you is wasted energy.

as soon as you get away, run like heck and don't look back NEVER look back.