Anger to me is an emotion of hate, jealousy, disgust and extreme prejudice. My abuser was very angry at me (for reasons unknown to me) and let me know under no uncertain terms. I do not know why we have anger. To me is serves no purpose (I believe there is one but I cannot see it). Anger destroys all that is good in person. For years I was told not to be angry, so I stuffed it. Eventually it came out either as pent up rage or deep depression. This is the only emotion in my family that we showed each other growing up. We were all angry. Angry at the injustices we saw in each other. I don't think that anger should be suppressed. I believe that there are healthy ways to show it and to get rid of it. I write my anger out. I pray about releasing it. I used to fear my anger. The opposite of anger is forgiveness. When I finally forgave my abuser all that anger left me. I don't hate him anymore. I recently ran across him and that knot I felt in my stomach when I would see him wasn't there anymore. When anger is show towards me, I admit I still cringe and parts of me want to fight back. I had an experience last year where I spent 10 hellish days with one of my abusers and we fought for 7 of those days. The last three I gave up and wouldn't talk or even acknowledge him. After that incident I felt badly that I treated him, the way he would treat me. I wasn't kind or forgiving, I was mean like him and that bothered me most. I sent him a letter expressing my deepest sorrow for the treatment I gave him. I had to seek forgiveness. Does this mean I forgot? No, it just means that he has no more power over me. I've thought a lot about anger and I don't yet fully understand it. But I do know that it keeps a person living in hell.

Anger is a useful emotion to have in a violent situation where you have to fight. You're stronger, have more energy, and feel less pain. It makes you more likely to win.

It's also appropriate when you see things that are wrong. This is righteous anger and it's different. When I see or hear of a child or an animal being mistreated--or any other creature that can't fight back--it makes me very, very angry.

Inappropriate anger is the problem. That's the kind that causes damage. We, as sentient human beings, have the faculty of reason to tell us when it's appropriate to be angry and when it is not.

Unfortunately, most people are not ruled by reason.

Anger is a gift from God.
It tells us:
>someone is harming us
>someone is violating our boundaries
>someone is treating us badly and we need to move away from them

It helps us:
>run from danger
>produce fight of flight chemicals to protect ourselves
>realize we need to do something to ensure this person never hurts us again

When we feel it, we need to access why it is here and deal with the threat or get out of the situation.

When someone violates us in any way, we certainly have the right to let them know that is NOT OK and express the anger without being mean or hurtful.

When people express it towards us, we have to look to see if it is projection, or are they suffering in some way. If we have done something to create anger in them, perhaps we can learn to improve communication or some skill. BUT most of the time, anger belong to the other not to us.
We can not force others to become angry. They choose to be angry.

" When should we suppress it, and when should we express it?"
IMO: It should never be suppressed. In my experience, if it's suppressed, it's not being dealt with. If it's being expressed, then it is being dealt with. There are any number of ways to dealing with anger and these can be healthy and empowering.

Anger should be acknowledged and dealt with in a way that is fully present, empowering to the injured party, and liberating. This may sound utopian, but I don't think it is. Not every place in the world has bullies, and even if one of us finds ourselves in a place where we're being told what to do think and feel, they can't take our decision making abilities - we can eventually leave. Anger can help us make that decision, tells us when to say "oh hell no". "bye", "try it", and so forth. ... It teaches us to finish fights; doesn't say anything about starting them.

ANGER - has been my motivator all of my life. It made me drudge and keep on going in any direction. I had no control over my anger a lot of the time. I just had "adopted" anger because it was all I knew that worked for me. It worked so well that as growing up; it became my second skin you could say.
EAN -Yes we can leave; That is comforting to know.
Sunny- Thanks for the much needed info!
Dyna - Reminds me of my bad marriage.
Booklady2 - It is difficult; I have been learning appropriate anger. vs inappropriate.
...appropriate anger gets you somewhere; whereas, inappropriate anger gets you NOwhere!
Beaumont -thanks for the topic!
2earlyriser - I stuffed it also; it came out of me in every way it could. Like opening a "pressure cooker"!
...my Mom always told me to "put a smile on your face,"....my name." ...needless to say; I wore that "smile"
from ages 9-to-41 ;up until last year, ( I was given advice that will and is changing the rest of my life.) I do not have much anger; it takes a lot to make me angry. (I am very passive-)aggressive. I now use positive thinking to divert my attention away from anger. -as I have a lot going on now that i could be angry about.
I just as well accept it; deal with it, and move on.

You might believe this but I am never angery, I do get a little mad sometimes but I never show that either,if someone says or does something to hurt my feelings I wait until alone so I can cry in privacy. I have always been a passive person I never call people names or try to hurt their feelings because I know what's like to be teased and picked on.

My anger has to do with fear in disguise, which has to do with loss, so I ask myself two questions:

1) What am I GETTING that I'm not wanting?
2) What am I WANTING that I'm not getting?

Then I get busy owning my needs and taking care of business without "having" to blame others. Boundary tools are sharpened and used in a new light now that my anger has helped me "feel my need" from the inside out.

I hardly EVER get angry anymore. And never to the ROAR I used to. Anger is more like a nudge now that I know what to do with the feeling and see it as something helpful not harmful. Like SunnyBunn, I am no longer afraid of my anger now that I know what to do with it as a HEALTHY (helpful) emotion.