I'll tell you about my fat self here shortly, but I'd like to allow others an opportunity to reply first so that we can all shape this discussion.

Well I was always a skinny kid- anorexic by age 8. Then When I was 16 I was put on an anti-psychotic (well, changed to a different anti-psychotic) and started gaining weight. No matter how little, how healthy, how low-fat, how low-cal a diet I tried I gained and gained and gained. Over the next two years I gained 50lbs. Last fall I finally got off the medication, but then had to be put back on it for a few months. My total weight gain was 70lbs. Now I'm 19 and for the first time in my life truly over-weight and my normal diet methods don't work. Because of the sudden weight gain my physical health has suffered. I will never lose all the weight- I've gone up 4 cup sizes and grown another inch since started gaining weight. I am fairly desperate to lose weight. This summer due to IBS I lost almost 20lbs and then gained back between 5-10lbs depending on the time of month, etc. I am currently on a low/no sugar diet (trying to get my tryglicerides under control) and I'm on Metformin (I'm insulin resistent). I exercise fairly regularly and get around via public transportation so there's a fair amount of exercise built in to my day. I don't know what else to do to lose this wretched weight.

Hiya, I am kinda stuck i dont know what to do i have always been big ever since i was little.. i never ate any differently to my sisters or parents but they were thin, we never ate sweets really in our house or biscuits so i dont know know why.

Then after an serious accident involving my lungs i became severely asthmatically and was on and off steriods for many years this seemed to make me put more weight on. Then two years ago the fibromyalgia started and i was put on Amitriptaline and the cocktail of medications.. with amitriptaline i put on 3 stone! thats about 32 ibs in about 4 months! now 2 years later the fibromyalgia is really bad.. i have thyroid problems and other conditions and i have use a wheelchair and am pretty much bedbound.. I weigh alot i mean alot like 22 stone. Alot of people assumed the asthma and fibromyalgia was because of my weight but the fibromyalgia was apparently because i have hypermobility syndrome from birth which makes people more likely to develop it.. and the asthma after an an accident where i was impaled through the chest...

.. i dont eat much.. a bowl of cereal for breakfast.. a sandwich for lunch.. usually ham no snacks and tea.. something like a jacket potato beans sausages... or maybe spagetti.. we dont eat fried foods... and dont eat large portions.. i also dont snack.. I cant lose weight.. i cant excactly go for a run or anything.

I am stuck like this and i am fed up with people who sneer at my size but i dont think people understand. Its not always our fault for being this way.. am i a lazy greedy slob.. i dont think so. but others look at me and assume its true *sigh*

I think if people are bullied for being fat that is the fault of the bullies not the fat person. I don't understand how that is a reason to lose weight. Nasty narrow minded people will single out any difference, if you were not fat they would find something else because they get kicks out of shouting insults and making other people feel bad. I don't know why it is acceptable to behave like this. If it was any other group of people, like black people or disabled people, everyone would agree it is wrong. But with fat people it seems more acceptable for some reason.

I think people are all different, fat thin, short, tall, black, white...and that should be celebrated. It is wrong to starve yourself in pursuit of some unachievable thin ideal. It would be boring if we all looked the same. All of the reasons you mention are true, as well as many others. Fat people are not all the same, we are diverse and different. 'Fat' can mean 13, 20, or 32 stone and our experiences are very different at those different weights. Fat people can be fit. Some people don't eat enough healthy foods or don't exercise enough. But that is equally true of some thin people, like that Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps whose unhealthy diet was in all the papers a while back. There is no single reason why people are fat. Every one of us is an individual and only we and our doctor know what the reality of our medical situation is. It is wrong for anyone else to judge it since they don't have all, or any, of the facts. Each of our bodies is different, some have exerting jobs, others are sedentary. Some eat at different times of day, and there are a massive variety of foods to choose from, which each person eats in different combinations and amounts.

I have to clarify your facts. You say fat people are at risk of diabetes, what you mean is Type 2 diabetes. Type 1 diabetes is nothing to do with weight, in fact people are usually underweight at diagnosis.

I also think that this 'at risk' thing is wrong. If you are diagnosed with any of these conditions like heart disease or diabetes or even cancer, you are vulnerable and scared. The last thing you need to hear is that it is your fault. People need compassion and encouragement to change. I do not understand how it helps anyone to blame people like this. It is not constructive.

A lot of people do stuff that puts them at risk. Every time you get in a car or plane you are at risk of crashing. What about extreme sports? If someone is disabled from skydiving or surfing, they they went into that situation knowingly. So why don't they get blamed? What I mean is, there are many things which people do which could have risky consequences. And a lot of the time these consequences don't happen. Plenty of fat people don't have type 2 diabetes, and thin people do. Thin people get heart attacks. Losing weight and being thin is not a magic solution to anything.

Encouraging weight loss for everyone is wrong too. It may be right for some. But I know loads of people who dieted, lost weight and just regained it. I believe in fact that the health problems are not due to the fat, but to the strain put on the body by constantly losing and regaining weight, and especially weakening the body by starving it of vital nutrients on crash diets. I think it is wrong for people to make money out of weight loss. Some people may benefit by losing weight but even they should be advised by a medical professional so they go about it the right way. The best thing is to find a sustainable lifestyle and a way of eating and living which you enjoy and which is healthy. If you feel deprived and you are reluctant to diet, then it won't work. Some diets have fatal consequences like the poor lady who passed away on a quack diet involving drinking vast quantities of water. I think the best thing to encourage is a healthy diet, including all food groups in moderation, and encouraging people to exercise. People need positive encouragement to do these things because they enjoy them, not blame and negativity. The most important thing is being healthy, which does not necessarily mean thin.

I have always been slender.
When I was paralyzed and had to use a wheelchair, I expected weight gain. I didn't gain weight. I went out for 'walks' as much as I could (my arms were weak at that point) and ate less and healthier.

I was put on an anti-psychotic, and gained 10 lbs. I then lost it.

I have recently been diagnosed with a poor-functioning thyroid. I was tired and cold all the time. I gained four pounds. I then lost it.

The one way to loose weight is to eat less calories than you consume.

I have seen one mother (who was huge) feed her kids. She portioned out massive amounts (her size) to both of them, then MADE them sit at the table until they were done eating it ALL. To me, that's child abuse. Both of those kids now have big weight problems. Why could the mother not give them smaller portions, and if they didn't eat it all, put it in the fridge? No dessert or treats/snacks until dinner's done, but to force the kids to eat when they say they're not hungry... that rubs me really wrong.

I feel bad for bigger people, but too many people use excuses. One big person I know says she's always trying to loose weight, yet I have NEVER seen her go for a run with one of her dogs or anything just for the excersize of it. On the other hand, I know someone else who's also bigger, but she's more fit than me! She played pro softball, and could outrun me in gym no problem. She's just bigger.

Yes, there are people who are just bigger, but for most people I've ever come across, it's just consuming more calories than you burn. (Pop, beer and juice are bad for sneaking in the calories!) No matter our abilities, we can all work what does work in our body to loose weight.

Oh I also think bullying anyone for anything is just wrong... healthy encouragement is all good but being mean/snide etc. is helping no one and doing nothing positive in any regard.

Codee, I agree with some of your points, especially those in your second post.

But regarding the things you say in your first post, who are you to judge this woman feeding her kids? Do you know her or did you just happen to see her? Who is she to you? Why were you in her house watching her feed her kids? Did you say anything to her at the time or just watch her, while thinking your judgmental thoughts about how she brought her kids up? Do you know anything about her or her life? Do you have kids? I don't but I can appreciate it is a difficult thing to bring up kids, with everyone judging you and telling you what's best. I thinking calling it child abuse is pretty strong.

Why would you feel bad for bigger people? Isn't that a bit patronising?

How do you know people use excuses? Are you personally acquainted with all these people you mention? It is a pretty big generalisation to say "too many people" like that. Do you know their medical history and the struggles they may be going through in their lives? Maybe this bigger person you mention doesn't go out for a run because she feels self conscious. Thats one reason I don't exercise. I know people look and judge me just as you are judging these people you mention, saying they all use excuses, claiming someone you don't know is abusing their kids. Some people laugh and make insulting comments, others may not vocalise them but think them in their heads. It is easier just to avoid it, avoid any public display, avoid the wobbling and the horrible out of breath feeling and the knowledge of failure that comes along with exercise and which are all things I have learned to hate. If people are fat growing up, like any physical feature that can attract bullies and the person then goes home to comfort eat and learns to hate their body. Constantly failing in PE just adds to that and teaches you to hate exercise too, not to enjoy it but to loathe it and feel sick every time you have PE at school, faking notes from your parents, finding any excuse to get out of it, and that follows you into adulthood - I was so happy as soon as I left school and went to college and did not have to do PE any more. I never learned to enjoy any form of exercise. Running was the worst, coming in last, unable to do anything except collapse on the floor, feeling self loathing and humiliation as everyone saw you failing and coming last out of the whole year. I am not saying that is what this person feels and why she doesn't exercise, I wouldn't know as I am not her. I am just trying to explain why it is not as simple as you make it sound. I am sure I am not alone in feeling these things, PE is taught in a similar way in most schools, I was not particularly vicitimised or treated badly.

It is not as simple as eating less calories. Each person's body is different, there is endless variation in the human race. It depends on what exercise you take, how intense it is, how long it lasts, what job you do and how physically exerting that is, what sorts of food you eat and in what quantities and at what time of day, whether you work shifts at all or have any day where your eating is different for whatever reason, how much you earn, whether you have access to cheap or free exercise facilities, whether you have access to a garden, allotment or window box to grow stuff, or a farmer's market to get cheaper better fruit and veg, what your health is like, whether you can cook and how well (whether you feel confident following a recipe), what shops are in your area, whether you have a car, whether you live near enough to walk to work, what exercise you enjoy and when you can commit do doing it. I could go on. Each person has different body chemistry and different circumstances, we are not all the same.

Lizze:

But regarding the things you say in your first post, who are you to judge this woman feeding her kids?
I am a fellow human being who wouldn't like to be forced to eat the amount others think I should.

Do you know her or did you just happen to see her?
I knew her and her kids.

Who is she to you?
She is the mother of two kids, my neighbor at the time, and my bio mother's old good friend. This happened a while ago.

Why were you in her house watching her feed her kids?
We were invited over, my bio mother was going to visit with her. She was running late, so dinner was later than she thought, and we happened to be there during it. I didn't sneak in to some random person's house and watch her feed her kids, just in case you're wondering.

Did you say anything to her at the time or just watch her, while thinking your judgmental thoughts about how she brought her kids up?
As I was 13, I didn't feel it was my place to say anything.

Do you know anything about her or her life?
Not anymore, but at the time I knew a fair bit because her and my bio mom were good friends.

Do you have kids?
Not biologically.

I don't but I can appreciate it is a difficult thing to bring up kids, with everyone judging you and telling you what's best. I thinking calling it child abuse is pretty strong.
I agree, those are powerful words. Forcing a child to eat when their stomach is full can't be a fun thing for a kid. If people eat when they're full, their stomach stretches. Then it takes more for them to feel full. This is why gastric bypass works, it takes way less to feel full so people loose weight.

Why would you feel bad for bigger people? Isn't that a bit patronising?
Because I'm not big? I'm not sure why that would be patronizing, but I can see their struggle. I know that those kids have weight problems now, and I feel bad for them. How is that patronizing?

How do you know people use excuses?
Some people do, I've seen it.

Are you personally acquainted with all these people you mention?
Yes. The girl that's big but really fit is still a friend, I've known her for 18 years.

It is a pretty big generalisation to say "too many people" like that. Do you know their medical history and the struggles they may be going through in their lives?
I can not know the medical history or past of "too many people." There are a lot of unhealthy people in this world (too many), from obesity or other reasons. Too many people also smoke. I am one of those people. It's not good, it's not healthy, but too many people do. I make no excuses for my smoking, I know it's bad yet I still do.

When I see someone bigger who's going for a run, I think these exact thoughts:
Good for them!
I don't scowl, make fun of them etc. I smile. When I see a small person going for a run I think the same thing.

I agree with your statement that we are not all the same, but isn't it (barring some cases) basic human physiology that if you eat more calories than you burn, you gain weight?
Is there a way to eat more calories than you burn and loose? (If there is, tell me and I'm eating nothing but chocolate for weeks!!) What about burning more calories than you eat and gaining?
Yes, it is different for every person, but it does appear (to me anyway, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) that for the vast amount of people, if you eat less calories than you burn, your body is not going to put on weight.

Oh I just remembered another thing,

Yes, I understand that you don't go for runs because you're self-conscious about your weight. I use a walker, and since my legs don't work properly I look funny when I walk. I'm self-conscious about it. People stare, people ask what did I do to myself or what happened all the time.

It does take a lot to go out even when you know you're going to be stared at, but in order to help yourself, you have to do something. I also have (built out of scrap wood I found) a block of wood, that I can use as a stepper. I step up and down it, and get a great workout. Free, no one watching, in my own house!

I take responsibility for my physical health, and although people point, stare and comment, I still go for walks because I know it's good for me. I'll never say it's easy, but it's not impossible.

You make some good points Codee. I stil think calling it 'child abuse' is OTT though. Nobody really knows what is the perfect way to bring up a child, everyone has different ideas. Some people smoke around kids and that is my personal bugbear. No parental home is perfect. I think 'child abuse' is something which someone knows is wrong and they do it anyway, like sexual abuse or beating up a child. I think calling stuff like this child abuse kind of devalues the term and makes it lose its original meaning. Although I don't know the woman obviously, I think it is most likely she was not deliberately overfeeding her kids with malicious intentions but she just was unaware of portion size, something like that.

I think school is as much to blame as parents. My mum did learn from her own mother but she also learned to cook at school. By the time I was at school, cookery had been junked and replaced by "food technology". I learned how to cook pizza and cake, how the best thing for an elderly person is a ready meal, and spent a long time studying McDonalds and how they make every burger identical. I did not learn how to cook basic nutritious meals. I think cookery should be put back on the curriculum. I also think it should be linked to other subjects such as maths - how to budget and manage a home - and science - what effect different foods have on your body.

I have already mentioned PE as well. I think that most PE teachers should be retrained so they know how to deal with struggling kids. In other subjects such as English teachers are expected to know about dyslexia and how to help kids who find the subject hard. In my experience PE teachers just supervise kids while they run about. If you struggle in PE the teacher does not have a clue how to help you. Some of them mean well, they are not cruel, but they have no idea how to actually teach skills. Also, the fact that PE is not separated into ability sets means that the best kid in the class finds themselves paired with a kid who is struggling, which benefits neither. The kid who is good at PE is held back and get frustrated. The struggling kid gets frustrated with themselves and this hampers their education. There is no sense of progress, no way you can go from a lower set and move up and feel proud. It is just constant struggling and frustration and comparing yourself to others above your ability level.

If the government is really concerned about people's weight, they should do these things in schools. They should also ensure that all sports centres are put back in the hands of local councils and mae affordable for everyone - so everyone gets a low price, it isn't free for old people, children and those on benefits and expensive for the rest of us. They should also look into supermarket pricing. They should force supermarkets to reduce the price of fruit and veg as a loss leader which the larger supermarket chains could afford. They should remake cities and towns to encourage pedestrians and cyclists and discourage motorists. Make it expensive to run a car and cheap to get a bike. Make car parking expensive and public transport affordable. If there is a road junction which is just a massive roundabout and pedestrians are forced into dark, scary underpasses, change that. Bring the pedestrians overground and make the cars go in tunnels. But above all, put an emphasis on health and not weight loss. The two can be very different. That way everyone can feel empowered to become healthier. If you emphasise weight loss and thinness as the ideal, that makes fat people feel bad and makes us less likely to want to do these things.

Before I 'talk' about myself, I would like to encourage every person who is concerned about his or her weight to read our related discussion topic, 'Weight Loss And Exercise Tips' by clicking here: www.dailystrength.org/groups/able-disabled/discussions/messages/6164541

I am 30 pounds (about 13.6 kilograms) overweight, which means I need to lose 30 pounds. I have my own exercise program consisting of walking nonstop four hours at a time on alternating days, which equals 3 to 4 days a week. I sunburn easily, so I walk after sunset, and sometimes I finish walking near midnight. I have been doing this for two years. Sometimes I skip exercise for as much as a week at a time because I am busy with a lot of other things, so I still need to work on making exercise a greater priority and do it more consistently.

I have stronger leg muscles now, and while I haven't lost weight with exercise (I need to have a better diet in addition to my exercise program, and cut my calorie intake.), I have stopped gaining weight and have managed to maintain my weight at about 186 to 189 pounds. I am fortunate in that people do not make fun of my fat, perhaps because they know I am capable of making them uncomfortable if they do so. If people do make fun of me, it's for other reasons. My blubber is mainly around my stomach and sides, and I would like to lose it so that I can look better.

Being able to maintain my weight at its present level and not continue to gain more is progress.

I plan to begin a regular program of abdominal crunches, situps, pullups, pushups, run-walking (alternating short bursts of running with sustained distance walking), stair-climbing, and lifting free weights such as dumbbells, in the near future as soon as I catch up on other things.

So, have you ever thought of picking random thin people and following them around all day to see exactly what they do that makes them thin? I have, but I have also dismissed the idea because it is ridiculous - but I think there are many other workable ideas that we can all use to help us achieve our weight goals. Thin people are proof that thinness is attainable by others and by us as well, if we can discover the means to achieving it.

Hi Beaumont

âI am 30 pounds (about 13.6 kilograms) overweight, which means I need to lose 30 pounds. I have my own exercise program consisting of walking nonstop four hours at a time on alternating days, which equals 3 to 4 days a week. I sunburn easily, so I walk after sunset, and sometimes I finish walking near midnight. I have been doing this for two years.â

That sounds like a lot of exercise in big chunks, Beaumont. It is also disrupting your sleep â if you donât finish walking til midnight then your body will take time after that to relax enough to be able to sleep. If you donât get enough sleep you can put on weight or at least have great difficulty losing it. So maybe if you prioritized your sleeping and rescheduled your exercise it might help? Could you wear suncream and a big hat when walking to protect yourself from the sun? Or exercise indoors?

â Sometimes I skip exercise for as much as a week at a time because I am busy with a lot of other things, so I still need to work on making exercise a greater priority and do it more consistently.â

My take on this is maybe you are pushing yourself too hard and if you took it more slowly and gradually you might be able to fit it in better. Also, do you enjoy doing four hours of walking at night? Could you get exercise in other ways, like at the local sports centre? Swimming, going to the gym etc? Then you could do it in the day and would not worry about sunburn.

âI need to have a better diet in addition to my exercise program, and cut my calorie intake.â

It is important to eat well. But had you considered that if you are doing all this exercise, you might need to eat more instead of less? I know people whose weight plateaued and they could not understand why. It turned out they were not eating enough and their bodies thought they were starving so their bodies tried to conserve the weight rather than losing it.

âMy blubber is mainly around my stomach and sides, and I would like to lose it so that I can look better. â

This sounds very negative, Beaumont. I think that if you view yourself negatively then you will not be successful on any diet. It is not easy but I believe you need to like yourself first. Otherwise you wonât be happy, if you do lose the weight, you will find another aspect of yourself to dislike.

âI plan to begin a regular program of abdominal crunches, situps, pullups, pushups, run-walking (alternating short bursts of running with sustained distance walking), stair-climbing, and lifting free weights such as dumbbells, in the near future as soon as I catch up on other things.â

Again this sounds like a lot. I worry about whether it is sustainable in the long term or if you will continue to have problems with not having enough time. Why postpone this new program? Why not arrange it around the âother thingsâ you are catching up on?

âSo, have you ever thought of picking random thin people and following them around all day to see exactly what they do that makes them thin?â

I have not. Every one of us is different so what one person does will not work for me.

âThin people are proof that thinness is attainable by others and by us as well, if we can discover the means to achieving it.â

I disagree with this. Like I said, we are all different. Just because someone is thin does not mean you can be, or I can be. Some people are brilliant mathematicians â doesnât mean I can or will ever be. I actually disagree with the fact than thinness is some sort of achievement. It is just a shape. I think there are better things to aim for in life.

Hmm, not sure what happened there. The formatting has messed up somehow. Sorry about that.

I have been overweight all my adult life starting with my first pregnancy at age 21.
But up until about 4 years ago I did not have high blood pressure or high cholesterol OR diabetes. I am now almost 65 and I have been very health, never sick . I was very active. I was strong as an ox . I had great skin and today most people think I am much younger than I am. when I turned 61 my doctor said my blood presure blood sugar and cholesterol were a bit on the high side . Not over the top but just on the high side. so now I am on meds for that. I have no desire to be thin. But do have a desir to be less fat than I am now.