When it rains it pours.

For the past six months my husband and I have been hit with some of the worst luck ever. It has been both mentally and physically painful and it seems to come one after another after another.
In early November my husband was rushed to the emergency room with horrible stomach pains, only to be told he had appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery the next morning. I was terrified, my husband is my soulmate and I would be lost without him. I didn't sleep at all that night in the hospital and finally fell to sleep the 2nd day after he was released from the hospital, leaving me aware for over 48 hours.
So, we deal with that and that trauma is put behind us. We were the general managers and maintenance managers to a mobile home park we lived out and the landlord was very shady and would often have my husband doing jobs he was not certified to do at all hours of both day and night. He really took advantage of us. There was one winter when after it snowed he had my husband and I outside under a renter's mobile home at 3am with blow dryers trying to thaw their pipes, just to give you an idea of the kind of person he was. Three days after my husband's surgery, when he had stitches in his stomach we get a call from the landlord telling us that a water pipe blew at one of the units and he demanded my husband go dig it up immediately and fix it. My husband tried to refuse stating he had stitches and just had major surgery and was suppose to be on bed rest, but the landlord bullied and pushed until he got his way. We ended up back at the er that day because my husband busted his stitches but the landlord could care less.You would think that was plenty of bad luck to last awhile, but fate had different plans. This was just the start of our bad luck.
A few days before Thanksgiving my husband and I went to visit a friend only to get a call an hour after arriving to hearing news that no one ever wants to hear. Our house was on fire! By the time we had got home our home and everything we owned was destroyed. Luckily our skeezy landlord was feeling generous that day (probably because the fire was started by a fault wire on our stove, which we had brought up to him on numerous occasions) and he let us move into the empty unit across the street from ours. We literally had to start over from scratch, we lost everything. Thankfully we have some really great friends that really reached out and helped us get back on our feet,
So we thought that bad things come in threes and now our bad luck should be behind us. Again, fate just laughed. At the end of December I ended up being hospitalized for over a week due to a severe infection and inflammation in my colon. This hospital was over an hour away and my poor husband would have to drive home each day to feed our animals, then drive an hour back to the hospital to be with me. He refused to leave my side at all, aside from running home to feed the pets.
I get out of the hospital but end up being hospitalized for another week the 3rd week of January. The infection and inflammation came back and had gotten worse. It was around this time that I was finally diagnosed with Crohn's disease which explained the severely painful and frequent flare ups I kept getting.
I was released from the hospital on January 22nd and came home and slept. I get a call the next day, January 23rd from my mother who was hysterical. My step father was at the hospital and had a stroke. My husband and I rushed to the hospital to be by my mother and step fathers side. He ended up getting life vacc'ed by helicopter to a bigger hospital that was a little over an hour away, We stayed at the hospital with my Mom and step father and when we would come home and feed our animals and then we would stay at my Mom's house to keep an eye on her animals. Our landlord was highly angry at us because due to this tragedy (my step father was just getting worse every day) we were not in the neighborhood and instead of being understanding he would say things like he don't care how sick my step father was we need to go back to the park to mow the lawn, clean an empty unit, things like that. He was starting to send us text messaging, leaving harassing voice mails and such cussing us out for being with my mom and step father instead of being at home kissing his butt and ignoring what is going on.
On February 2nd, my step dad passed away and I felt like my world shattered. It killed me to see my mother so upset and Rick didn't feel like a step father to me, he felt like a real father. I was mourning the loss of a father, not a step dad. When my husband called our landlord to tell him that he passed away a few hours prior to the call the landlord told my husband that he needed us to come back to the park the next morning to do some cleaning and such. My husband explained that I was taking the death really hard and had to be there for my Mom and he needed to be there for both of us that we just lost someone very close to us. The landlord told my husband he didn't give a f***k, get over it, we're his managers and we owe him. We jump when he says jump, he doesn't give a f***k who died. This was the last straw for us. My mother has never lived by herself and my step dad's social security was the only income they had and here in Georgia, you cannot get widow's benefit until you are 60 years old ( he also did not have life insurance), so my Mom not only would have to be alone for the first time, but she had no income coming in. So we all sat down and she had asked us how we would feel about moving in here. After how the landlord had been treating us the past several months and the horrible, cruel way he reacted to my step fathers death we readily agreed to it and we brought our animals over and moved everything over that night. Between my job and my husband's job we could definitely pay the bills and we both wanted to be there for my Mom. My husband and my Mother have a great relationship. So we moved in but ended up having to change both our cell number and my mother's because the ex-landlord was extremely angry that we moved and he lost his managers and would call and text both our phone and my mothers at all hours of the day and night cussing at us and my mom and harassing us.
So all of that was said and done and things seemed to be working out. My mom was due to get my step dad's final check for February on February 27th, but due to social security making an error my mother ended up not getting that final check until April 1st.
Other than that stress, February and March wasn't too terrible, aside from the mourning of our loss. So then we thought that just maybe our bad luck was behind us. Afraid not!
In the middle of March I finally got in to see a psychiatrist and I was shocked when after the 2 hour long session she told me what my diagnosis' were. I was diagnosed with severe depression, debilitating anxiety, pmdd, ptsd, insomnia and mild schizophrenia. I was put on a bunch of different medicines to help deal with all of these. The first couple of weeks were really rough on me as my body adjusted.
At the end of March I was rushed to the hospital with horrible pains in my stomach. They did an ultrasound and ct scan and found out that I had a 5.7 cm ovarian cyst, which is huge. So I was sent home on meds and bed rest.
At this point I make the mistake of saying what else could go wrong. Last week (April 10th) I was once again rushed to the er for stomach pains, only thing time it was in a different spot and it would hurt to move, standing or walking caused extreme pains, I was vomiting and constantly nauseous and was running a fever. We found out that I had a severe infection and severe inflammation in my colon. So I was sent home on even more nausea meds than I take on a daily basis for the crohns, two different antibiotics and I was also put on a very strong pain medicine. I followed up with my doctor 3 days later at her office and she said that the infection and inflammation had not gotten any better. I explained I was still having really bad nausea and pain so she then another nausea medicine and pain medicine to my regimen. So by now I am taking 10 pills at night and another 10+ pills during the day. I felt like a walking talking pharmacy. 
Then last week my chihuahua passed away suddenly from a blocked colon and I was absolutely devastated. I loved that dog so much. Not 3 days later my mom's cat passes away, it mourned himself to death after losing Rick. I tried everything I could to save both of them, bottle feeding them gatorade and pedialyte, giving them meds. And we still lost them both. I felt like such a failure, I couldn't save them and I tried so hard.
So we have finally made it to this week. I am still taking all of the medicines and the pain and nausea still have not improved. Then last Friday my husband's boss at the farm tells him that her husband lost his job and she can no longer afford to keep him hired on as a farm hand. So this terrifies me because that means I will be the only source of income and with me being so sick so often I was worried about what we would do. My husband applied for jobs that day and got a call an hour after applying to jobs from a landscaping company. They talked on the phone 5 minutes and told him come in tomorrow he is hired. Now, this is where my stupidity comes in. I was so excited that he got a job so quick that I didn't even notice the red flags. First off, they hired my husband after only a 5 minute phone conversation, he didn't go in for an interview or anything like that and they didn't even see his resume, my husband just emailed them asking if they were hiring. On his first day of work they did not have him sign any paperwork or give them any information like his full name, address, date of birth or anything like that. There was only the boss/owner, one guy that had been with him for a year and another guy that was hired on the same day as my husband. The guy that had been there for a week said that he never had to sign any papers or give any information and that the boss pays cash every Friday. So he basically is paying everyone under the table. That should have instantly made me stop and say wait this is a scam, but at the time I was still sick and on all kinds of medicines and was just glad that he found something so quick. So he works my husband 7am to 7pm for 4 days, then today the boss said there was no work for today and he would let everyone know at 6 tonight when to show up tomorrow.
 
So we get a message that for some reason unknown (no reason was given) that the boss was not only firing my husband, but the other new guy and the guy that's been there with him for over a year. He literally fired everyone. He told my husband he would put a check in the mail for him on Friday, but he had never asked for my husband's address, so how would he know where to mail it? So my husband gave him his address and now we just wait and see if this shady man will pay like he says. I really wish I would have stopped and really thought about this situation, then I could have figured out before he even started that this was a scam. He just hires people and tells them they are on a trial basis and tells them after the trial they would THEN sign paperwork, even though the guy that has been there for a year told my husband that wasn't true that after a year he still never signed papers and the boss would never pay except for cash unless it was a final check. So he would tell people after trial period they would sign papers, but then he'd work them for a week and tell them trial is over, you are fired and there is no paper trail so there is no way to sue him or report him, it would be your word against his. Lord knows how many people he's scammed like this.
 
When i was told this this morning I completely lost it and had a huge break down. Everything I just wrote about above, all of that bad luck over the past 6 months just kept playing over and over and over in my head. I couldn't get it to stop. I was hearing my own voice in my head constantly, all day today talking to me about everything bad that's happened. It was like a sick dream being played over and over. Even with two doses of anxiety medicine I was still hearing the voice, still panicking. I was shaking so bad when I tried smoking a cigarette I kept getting burnt by the ashes that would fall off due to the shaking. 
 
We've had so much bad luck, so many bad things happen to us since November. It's like one thing after another, after another, after another. I feel like I'm perched on a fragile porcelain plate and every day the plate keeps chipping and cracking more and more and any day now the plate is just going to shatter into a million pieces and send me into the darkness. I keep waiting for our silver lining, but it hasn't come yet. I'm starting to lose hope and give up, but I'm trying so hard not to. That is why I'm hoping this website will give me a positive outlet to help me get back into a positive mind frame. One of my worst traits is under severe stress I will cut or scratch myself, I haven't done it in a long time, but I've noticed this month that I am taking my spike on my lip ring and jabbing it into my gums, cutting my gums and making them bleed. I was doing this without even thinking and then I realized that is just another form of cutting and I haven't cut or scratched in a long time, so realizing I'm doing it again really scared me. It let me know I'm really close to my breaking point. I'm trying desperately to not reach that breaking point. It's very scary for me when I get to that breaking point, it's a very dark place.
 
So tonight I decided to take time and get everything that's happened in the past few months off my chest in hopes that by typing this out it is releasing those emotions and feelings I try so hard to keep bottled up and suppressed. One of my steps in my goal to improve my anxiety was to try not to bottle things up. So this is a step in the right direction towards that goal. I just need my silver lining, where is my silver lining?