What the fuck is wrong with me?

I know it's been a while becuase I thought I was getting better, WRONG!  today i masturbated to porn in a bathroom stall at my college.  Afterwards as always, i felt pathetic and still do, what made me feel worse is the fact that my wife called not 5 minutes later and told me she loves me which she does everyday.  I have so much riding on the line to do the right thing, with work, school and my marriage all teetering above me, its hard to do the right thing. I know i need counceling, but I'm afaid to tell someone even though I know that I need help and to talk to someone.  But with all the other stresses in my life, it seems like a secondary concern, now I know it isnt.   My wife and I have g otten along better over these last few weeks and I feel our relationship getting stronger, but I'm afraid if I slip back into the old me, all that progress and love will be gone in an instant.  Life just hasn't felt easy for me lately and this latest development really doesn't help.  I want this to stop so bad, but its hard to start, but once I start I know I can be a better me.