What IS wrong with me?

Searching through the support groups on this site left me asking myself, "what IS wrong with me?". Anxiety? Depression? The clinical diagnoses, medication, and therapy have never helped me with what feels like a war going on inside of myself.
I have nothing to feel sad about, yet I do. I wish I knew how to feel happy and upbeat regardless of my circumstances. To be able to control the strength inside of me and use it to focus on all the things I have, all the love. To be able to acknowledge the worries and fears I have and then disregard them. Regaining control and confidence in my life. 
I just feel lost, in general. I'm not sure why I do anything at all. Why do I get out of bed? Why eat lunch? Or take my vitamins? Why put any effort into my job? Or relationships that seem so phony? Why get drunk? Why have sex? Why sleep?
My biggest fear is that one day my mind will win the war over my body and I'll stop breathing altogether. I don't want to give up on me. I want to pull strength from my faith and use it to fuel my life. 
They say asking for help is the hardest part; I think finding the right kind of help is. I think I am a strong person, but these feelings of uselessness consume me & I do need help. I have been trying for years and years, and haven't managed to do it on my own. I need a supportive community to sustain my general wellbeing. Genuine people who care. 
Someone once told me that community is like a flock of flying geese. When they fly in a V they can go much faster with less wind resistance. The member at the point resists the most, and they rotate positions to keep things fair. They get to where they're going faster and easier by working together.
Where are my geese at?