I have built a wall around me so high to where I don't see things until after it happens. I know that I am still legally married but I want to start making friends again and to be able to go out. Not that he restricted me at all, but looking back now, he encouraged me to get out of the house more last year than the previous years. Is this because he wanted to have someone over? Or did he genuinely want me to get out of my comfort zone and routine and have fun with my friends whether it be dinner, go to the movies, get tattoos, etc. This all stems from this past Sunday. I went out with someone who I thought was nice and ended up being used. Of course I didn't see it until the end of the night. Hence the very first sentence of this entry. It's my fault for being so scatterbrained and thinking that maybe someone would want me for me. Just goes to show that I need to be more conscience and not so trustworthy, or that it is way to soon to try and make new friends and figure myself out more. Either way for now and maybe for eternity this wall will stay up and may be built higher to protect me.