unbecoming scars

unbecoming,


to,


become. 


 


I think,


I see that,


now. 


 


I am,


unbecoming,


that I might,


now,


finally,


learn,


what it is,


to,


become. 


 


I'm finding,


my own,


wings. 


my own,


soul,


which you stripped,


from me. 


 


you took away,


my,


innocence. 


tore my,


dignity,


right,


away,


and out,


from,


underneath,


me. 


 


I never,


had a chance,


at a life. 


I never,


had a chance,


to,


become. 


 


you tore,


my,


innocence,


away,


from me. 


 


all I thought,


was good,


you,


sullied. 


 


you called me,


impure.


unrighteous.


unclean. 


 


you told me,


I was,


broken,


from the very,


start. 


 


and from the very,


start,


I lived,


believing,


that I,


was broken.


 


a,


mess.


dirty.


unclean. 


 


I was never,


good,


enough,


for you.


you,


told me,


I could never be,


good,


enough. 


 


you taught me,


to see,


the world,


as,


sullied. 


everything,


broken,


and everyone,


lost. 


 


what kind,


of a world,


did I,


grow up,


in? 


 


can you,


imagine,


how it,


haunted,


my dreams? 


 


can't you,


imagine,


what it,


was like,


growing up,


in a world,


like that? 


 


where everywhere,


were,


fears,


and,


shadows.


dangers,


to avoid.


potential,


snares. 


 


nothing,


was to,


be,


trusted.


not even,


my own,


heart.


 


especially,


that. 


 


the passions,


of my,


heart,


were,


evil. 


I could not,


trust,


them,


want,


them,


listen,


even,


to them. 


 


for they were,


only seeking,


to lead me,


astray. 


 


astray,


into,


damnation.


 


my,


own heart,


was,


lying,


to me.


malicious,


in its,


attempt,


to,


persuade me.


destroy,


me.


corrupt,


me. 


 


my heart,


was,


against me.


and it was,


a thing,


to be,


feared. 


 


you taught me,


to fear,


my own,


skin.


my own,


heart.


core.


being. 


 


can you,


appreciate,


what that,


was,


like? 


 


to live,


afraid,


of your own,


shadow?


terrified,


of the person,


in the,


mirror -


her only,


intent,


to,


destroy,


thwart,


trip me,


up? 


 


I,


was the wicked,


evil,


and all thoughts,


of,


I,


were to be,


avoided. 


 


all,


love,


of,


I,


was,


condemnable. 


a crime,


that would,


literally,


damn me,


to hell. 


 


fires,


of hell,


if I,


liked,


loved,


myself. 


 


fires,


of hell,


if I said,


I liked,


being me. 


 


if thought,


I had,


good,


ideas -


good,


inspiration. 


 


if I wanted,


my own,


ends.


my own,


beauty,


in the world. 


 


fires,


of hell,


if I did not,


disown,


me.


discredit,


me.


die,


to,


me. 


 


If I wanted,


myself,


at all -


wanted,


to,


be,


myself -


believed,


in myself,


as a,


good,


thing - 


 


then I would be,


owning,


and,


choosing,


my own,


wickedness.


 


sealing,


my own,


damnation.


 


deceiving,


myself,


and condemning,


myself,


and all,


who would,


believe,


I was good,


to die. 


 


can you,


imagine,


the,


terror,


you put,


into this,


young heart? 


 


taught me,


to fear,


the world,


and,


myself. 


 


to fear,


everything,


that was not,


you,


and your one,


life-preserver. 


 


there is,


more,


I could,


tell,


but I've,


already,


been there,


in my own mind,


today,


and,


for now,


I'd just like,


to let you,


go. 


 


let you,


go,


with this,


thought. 


 


that I am,


unbecoming,


to,


become. 


 


I am,


un -


becoming,


that I might,


learn,


what it is,


I,


am,


and who,


it is,


that I might,


become. 


 


I am,


unbecoming,


and letting you,


go.


and I am,


becoming.


and letting,


my soul,


grow. 


 


giving,


my soul,


the chance -


finally -


to,


find,


herself. 


to,


be.


to,


become. 


 


I am giving,


my soul,


the,


freedom,


to,


be.


 


the,


freedom,


that she,


was never allowed,


to know,


before. 


 


human,


dignity.


human,


empowerment. 


 


I,


am,


someone,


and I,


have a,


right,


to be here,


too. 


 


I have,


just as much,


right,


to be,


as you. 


 


I have,


the right,


to,


be. 


 


because,


I am,


a human,


soul.


a human,


dignity.


a human,


glory,


in my own,


right. 


and it is not,


yours,


to take that,


away,


from me. 


 


you may not,


steal,


my voice, sir. 


you did it,


once,


but I will,


allow you,


no longer. 


 


no,


now,


I will stand,


on my own,


two feet. 


I will,


fight,


for the,


dignity,


of my own,


soul. 


 


I am,


learning,


my soul,


yet more,


and more,


as the days,


progress. 


 


she is coming,


into,


her own.


and I am,


enjoying,


this messy,


ride. 


 


I am,


enjoying,


her,


sir. 


and I am,


enjoying,


becoming,


her.


at,


last,


and in peace. 


 


she does not,


cause me,


the ire,


and the,


pain -


the terror,


and fear -


damnation,


destruction,


you said,


she,


would. 


 


I actually,


quite,


like,


her.


and I like,


being her,


and becoming,


her,


too. 


 


perhaps,


this makes,


me,


selfish. 


then I guess,


selfish,


is what,


I am,


and who,


like,


to be. 


 


I am,


me,


and I am,


becoming. 


 


and what,


she will be,


this soul,


who can,


tell?


 


she is,


beautiful,


and,


lovely,


in her,


becoming,


already. 


 


she is,


messy,


and,


wild.


intricate,


and,


complex.


 


and I,


love,


her. 


 


I think,


she is,


beautiful.


and she makes,


my life,


worth,


living. 


 


you taught me,


to fear,


complexity.


growth.


gray.


 


but find,


it,


wild,


and,


wonderful. 


 


I always,


have.


I,


love,


the wild,


gray depths. 


 


I love to,


wander,


out underneath,


gray,


skies. 


find the,


meaning,


and,


beauty,


layered,


rich,


within,


the clouds. 


 


wonder,


has always,


stirred me,


deeply.


 


but you taught me,


not,


to wonder. 


thus,


I guess,


our paths,


diverge,


here. 


 


and I,


will leave you,


within the gray,


and the wondering. 


enter in,


to the cloud,


and find -


learn,


discover,


taste,


touch -


its depths. 


 


I will let,


the gray cloud,


hover over,


me.


walk,


into it.


let its,


moisture,


envelop. 


 


I will,


find,


the wonders,


of the cloud,


sir. 


the,


wonders,


of this,


gray. 


 


I will reach -


walk -


into the wild,


gray depths.


and I will,


come alive,


in the,


wondering,


once more. 


 


you,


go,


your way,


and I,


will go,


mine. 


 


I will find,


what is,


good.


I will,


follow,


this,


light. 


 


embracing,


the good,


light.


walking,


in,


to the,


cloud. 


 


I will find,


my way,


through,


wonder. 


 


through,


wonder,


and,


this,


knowing,


I will,


unbecome,


my scars,


and I will,


become,


my soul's,


wings,


instead. 


 


unbecoming,


scars,


and becoming,


wings. 


 


I will,


live this.


I will,


become,


this. 


 


unbecoming,


broken,


and becoming,


beautiful,


instead. 


 


unbecoming,


vile,


and becoming,


wholesome,


and,


pure,


and light,


and,


goodness -


good -


instead. 


 


becoming,


clean.


and unbecoming,


your,


dirty,


and,


stained. 


 


unbecoming,


marred,


I will become


pure. 


 


unbecoming,


dirty,


I will become,


clean. 


 


unbecoming,


vile,


I will become,


pure. 


 


pure,


and light,


and good. 


 


goodbye,


sir.


here we part,


in the world. 


 


for I wish now,


to leave you,


and all your,


influence,


behind.


 


I,


let you,


go.


unbecoming,


to,


become. 


 


for I find,


that I must,


unbecome,


and let,


you go,


in order to find,


what I,


truly am,


and might,


be.


 


becoming,


I walk into,


the light.


and hope. 


 


hope,


that it,


holds me.


hope,


that I will,


be found,


and be called,


pure.



https://piecesofsoul.home.blog/2018/12/28/when-i-unbecome-scars/