Trippin about a trip

So I have been choosing to suffer.my hu and I have been planning a trip back to our home state and town.  It will be a mini-class reunion with old friends and they are sweet people that we haven't lost touch with over the years. Then we will travel to our home town to visit my brother and his family.I am scared witless.  i am working hard not to be.This was the state where I did not feel safe.  I wasn't even molested; i was just treated in a way that led me to choose to submerge my feelings and be a role player.Also, I'm working on my 4th Step with my AlAnon sponsor, and we have gotten to the place where she noted it was not safe for me to express feelings. My parents have been dead more years than I can count, and the people I am visiting are supportive and warm.  That is the reality.But I wake up every morning lately filled with dread as if I am going to a place where I will be ill-treated and shunted aside.I can see the old thoughts are just that: old thoughts.  I am reading Martha Beck for additional strength and insight to work through this.I am pretty sure I will come away from the actual trip with good memories.  I just want to work with the old thoughts to get an understanding that they will not get in my way of having a good time, and the dread diminishes.i know that even my parents wouldn't wish to have me suffer in this way; I keep this thought with me and it helps.This is a remembered pain that I wish to turn into a strength.I have avoided going back to my home state many times over the years because of this fear, and I want to now work with it and have it be something I can learn and grow from.God, grant me the Serenity...........