Stumbling through each day

I lost my soul mate of 30 years 5 days after our anniversary. For the last 2 years he was in and out of the hospital and nursing home. I had a routine in my daily life. Up at 3:00 a.m. feed cats do email for work then go to work/then hospital or nursing home come home eat and feed the cats and do email for work.
Now he has gone to heaven and I feel so empty. I don't feel alive. I have no one that I can tell all the emotions that I feel. I am angry that he gave up. I am happy he is not in pain. I am lost that I can't touch him see him talk to him.
Tears are rolling down as I type this. He passed away on August 30th of this year. God I miss him............