So I just have to talk

If I had someone sitting here with me just talking, I would say let's go for a nice walk and enjoy the dark and the stars in the sky in the warm air. I think a walk right now would make my anxiety go away. I would try to explain how I am feeling. Right now the anxiety is really bothering me. I am finding it a little difficult to refocus and get my attention and association off of this anxiety and on to something a lot more positive. I think I just want someone to be here and just talk about quiet things, you know the kind of things that don't make you raise your voice. I think I am feeling crappy because of a decision I made today. I have been trying to stay busy and to meet new people. Well I was going to go on a hike up a beautiful mountain today but decided to opt out of it at the last minute. It is fathers day and I was going to take my father out to eat. My sister was supposed to come over too. None of this happened and I didn't get to go hiking because I changed my mind so that I could meet up with my father and sister. I should have gone on the hike. I think I would feel so much better right now if I had gone. Oh well. I can't beat myself up for changing my mind. Next time I won't change my mind. I want my summer to feel like I really did something with it, to enjoy it. I will do everything I can to make my summer a great one. I only wish I had someone here to talk with right now. Otherwise, I had a good day. I end this day by saying that I am grateful still for everything that I do have. I went to church this morning and then went out to breakfast with my niece. She is extra cool. We had a great talk. I am so grateful for having her not only as my niece but as a true friend as well. I am grateful for the time I had today, because I was finally able to sit down and focus on recreating my business cards, and I like what I put together. I went for a walk this evening and that felt really great. I am grateful for what I have and am trying so hard not to focus on the things that are disappointing.  I guess a key learning experience for today is not to be so quick to change my mind. The change my not be worth it. I think I have to be willing to change my mind and plans when there is some reason like an emergency or someone needs me. Tonight I will sleep and have nice dreams.  Good night.