sighs

im drained idk i had a nightmare about my friend's mom and him and i. i dont remember alot of it just that we were in a place like a house and a hospital mixed and my friends mom was downstairs and she had 'fallen'or it sounded like it i freezed up and my friend had ran down stairs to see if she was ok next think i know is that hes back up the stairs with a terrified look on his face..and we go back down and see his moms  corpse torn to shreads..the next second all three of our bodies are torn to shreads and three wolves slowly creeping up to our bodies they were a dark brown or black..sighs thats my dream i had woak up with that at one o'clock in the morning two days ago called my friend and calmed down then went back to bed freaked out when i woak up i still wasnt doing well and went to school. well 1. i was grumpy and freaking out quitetly all day 2. another friend of mine i learned had freaked out and got kicked out of his house for stuff i dont realy wanna talk about just yet cuz he should be in a psyche ward...lets just say hes bipolar and the guy i cheated with i had to calm his gf down until i couldnt handle anymore and well yea i had spent most of the night playing games and tried not to cut i literly got home around 4 and when i went down to the basement downstairs to my room and sat in my bed or rested in it and didnt leave it until like around 10 then that was bearly for a half hour came back downstairs and well yea..today im kinda better but idk if im gonna graduate school Oh btw two days ago my mom told me she has all 3 types of arthritus and then she told me in graphic detail what it does and well just freaked out on me a little and i went to the store with her after church around 9 and i got her cigs and pop and when we got home we talked for a while where at the end of the convo we talked about what the arthritus does then i went downstairs to go to sleep when i did well yea u saw what happen me and nightmares dont work well with me(technicly the dream was 2 days ago so yea)...idk its all a jumbled mess to me anymore btw about 3 weeks and 4 days no cutting its been hard but im trying to keep it up and my friends have been helping me out trying to get happy memories i have some but yea its all hidden away cuz of the pain