shitty all around

ok Now im still happy and all because me and my boyfriend are still together but im so scared that im going to screw this up. im in love with him and him with me but i have so much power with him now that he said if something happened to me he doesnt think he could move on. that scares me cuz i hav tendencies to fuck up alot like i am now. i ditched a class that i really hate and i said i wouldnt anymore but im so lost that i couldnt help it i just needed to but i hate myself at the sametime. i wish i could stop for him but im in pain and scared and something feels bad that i cant explain im just so confused. i hate myself and i wish i was better for him he deserves somone better even if he does want me.