Riding the roller coaster

As most of you can see, I have not been keeping up with my journal. I've been up and down emotionally. It's been a rollercoaster ride for a month now. Amy had an infusion session in April that was a horrendous experience. She's had so many blood tests, and IV's that her veins have a tendency to blow out. She'd rather be poked several times, than to have someone "dig" around to find a vein. After 14 digs, this nurse decided to call in a surgical team...and discuss options in front of her. All she had to hear was the word "intibate" and she freaked out. This was the 1st time that I wasn't home  for her to call me and when I did get home, finding out that she needed me and I wasn't there made me feel awful. I always stay home in case she needs to reach me. Even though it's long distance, it's a comfort to her. The one time in over a year that I get my hair done..and that's the one time she needed me. That really bummed me out. We did finally get through it together. Her neurologist was finally contacted and he told an anesthesiologist to get up there with a "vein finder." They had wanted to put in a port-a-cath that requires the patien to be vented. Amy can't be vented as it can kill her: so it's to be done only as an emergency in order to save her life. Amy went to see the doctor last week and he is "giving" her a break as she was black and blue and her "veins" need a rest. She is excited about that. Yesterday, she was to get her results from her airchamber test, but I haven't heard from her. Usually means her appointment was rescheduled...so I'm anxious to see what how all of that went.  Still waiting. Aside from all of that, the side drama going on is exhausting. I was upset with Amy for hooking up with a guy who is verbably abusive. That caused a huge fight. Then my daughter, Rebecca got involved because Amy text'd her and she calls me telling me that she "doesn't" need all of the drama in her life. When Rebecca called about Amy's infusion early in April, I told her that she was having a difficult time and went on to explain what she was going through. Rebecca cut me off and said "I'm done!" She was angry because Amy and I were no longer having a disagreement and she wasn't told about it. She sets "boundries" and then tells me to have a "great Sunday" for Mother's day? She hasn't called at all. Sometimes you just feel like you can't win at all. It's dang if you do, and dang if you don't. I never come out on top. The whole situation hurts me. I am expected to be the family "messenger" keeping Rebecca and their father informed. Why is that? Are they not able to pick up a phone and offer support to Amy personally? Out of this situation, I have talked with the girl's father quite a bit. Amy is our daughter, and his family doesn't have the memories that he and I have of Amy when she was a little girl. So, at least something good has come of that situation through Amy and he is starting to call her more often.  
My husband was out of work for 21 months, and now has a job that pays not even half of what he used to make. It's totally bizarre...and no one understands the "point system" that these techs have to reach every week. They are considered "contractors" and I suspect that's because the company doesn't pay them for drive time, or for all of the time that they spend doing paperwork each day and then calling all of that in every night. He interviewed with another company yesterday..and we'll see how that goes. He's wanted to work for this company for several years, and they finally have an opening here in COS. Great pay..etc. I don't know if someone looks at Bob and thinks, he's going to be 60 this year...too close to retirement to hire. He passed the 100 question exam (on line) with flying colors. During his interview yesterday the man interviewing him had a meter and asked Bob if he knew how to use it. He did, and the guy said that he was the 1st one who knew what to do with it. (the guy had interveiwed people all day Monday)  Is that a good sign? Ofcourse, Bob's on edge, so that puts me on edge as well. He wants this so badly. We are thankful that he does have a job, so don't get me wrong. It's a blessing to have a job in this economic climate.
 My best friend is still fighting stage 4 cancer, which makes me feel sad. I admire her courage and fortitude. She always sends cheery emails.
It has been very windy here (68mph) and that makes my meniere's worse, so I have felt rather puny as it is an exhausting experience. On the bright side, we did have one day without wind, so I did get some flowers into the deck pots and a couple of veggies in the garden. They survived the low of 35, but do look a bit bedraggled from the wind. I guess sometimes I feel that I am a sounding board for the family...readily available for them...but there are times I get a little fed up myself when there's no one for me to talk to. Sometimes I think people assume that I am sitting at home twiddling my thumbs and have nothing to do. I may as well be Lucy and put up a little psych stand..and charge 5 cents. LOL. What upsets me, is that my family knows I have meniere's and stress is one of the triggers. It's like they have forgottent that I am dealing with this disease every day...and it's exhausting at times. I just wish that sometimes there was someone who would take care of me for a change....or at the very least, allow me to take care of my emotional and physical needs. My husband knows that I can't have people standing over me waving their arms around while they talk..and he warns people that it's trigger...but he does it all of the time. Please...for the love of Pete! Stop it! :o) He is one of those people who has to talk with big jestures and it's a "no-no." oh well..such is life. We all have problems...we're just wondering if anyone cares that we do.  Sorry this was a downer. Just had to vent. It's my way of helping me work through the issues I have. I guess that's why I haven't been doing my journal. I rather have positive things to say.