refreshed

With just one word, a difference was made deep within the person I am; which, now, I can define.
There is someone who keeps complimenting me from left to right. At first the sweet things he said were hard to believe. Then it was flattering. Then over the top. Then embarrassing. But now, significant. He said I was refreshing, that kind of personality. I feel like I have found a piece of me that was lost and long ago left behind. Through the maze that bipolar turned my life into, and through the deep burying of myself that medication caused, I feel directed now as to who I am. I have  struggled with the thought of "who am I?" And in one word, he made me realize exactly who I want to be...and who I don't want to be. There's a tendency I have to be cold, as a protection, a defense mechanism. I felt like it's the only way to escape a broken heart. But it goes too far at times, reaching the ends of "i don't care". But the truth inside me is that I do care. And I do love. And I want to feel those good and sweet emotions that have the power to change me into someone better. I don't want to be afraid anymore of the strength I have. I can use that strength to love and care, instead of pushing people away. Of course, there's a need for balance (I say ironically). And maybe for us beepers it's more of a challenge. But life in every aspect is a challenge. I used to have so much energy and be full of life, "bubbly", as I've been described by my friends. But I get so caught up in wanting to mature and be taken seriously. Therein lies my struggle. Can "bubbly" and mature coexist in one person? Aren't we either one or the other? Is there a rule that says that once u turn 25 it's time to be serious or strict with oneself? Today I realized that I can still acheive everything that I want. And I have found the beginning. It's time to be brave. It's time to speak. It's time for action. It's time to show the world who I am, now that know exactly who that person is. 
"I'm seeing for the first time the stars the sun the moon" -from the song Thank You by Keith Urban
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

very moving, and yes, you are brave, it\'s about the journey, know that always xo