Reflections

     I'm really trying to figure out my life and why so much of it is not what I want it to be. I don't understand why people talk over me all the time. Why there just isn't any basic respect going on. What is happening between James and I? Why things are changing between us? After living together for 2 years, I didn't think things would change with just a wedding ceremony. I don't even know how to go about discribing it. It's little stuff... but it's often enough to really bother me. Again, it's with the basic stuff, common courtesy and respect for the little things. I don't know, I really am floundering right now. I hear all the time how thoughtful people say I am. They thank me for doing this for them or not giving them a hard time about that. James says these things all the time about me too. So why am I not rewarded for being this way for others. You would think that they would try to do thoughtful things for me too, to say thanks. Nope... that's never the case. I'm tired. Really, really tired and just unhappy with life in general. I wonder why I was ever born. Why I'm even still here. I have no Christmas spirit this year and I still haven't put up a tree or decorated in any way. I really would like to just crawl in a hole somewhere and just wait for the end. I can't fight all this stuff going on, people just get nasty with me and treat me like I'm a bitch if I don't just let everything slide. God, I really don't know what to do. I've actually thought about just giving up and turning myself in to a psyche ward and just giving up on life. I'm tired of trying to make people see how hurtful some of the stuff they do to me is. They don't care anyway.