recovering

This spring break is the anniversary of when a friend of mine passed away. Although, I can't really say that I knew him. He was a high school classmate, I had only one conversation with him that I actually remember. But it was his cousin that I fell deeply in love with, Fernando. And when Juan passed away, so did my Fernando (emotionally), and it was so deep, that it became a huge event in my life too. When Fernando "died" emotionally, I did to. I keep promising myself every year that it will be the last time I cry over both of them. It still hasn't worked. Just now I cried my heart out, for all the memories and love that touched me deeply. I see Fernando all the time. After a two year relationship that ended, we remain friends. From the moment I fell in love with him, I knew that I would never be able to live without him. And even now, that feeling keeps on going strong.
I thought that writing about it would ease my pain, at least some of it, because writing always does so with any emotion...but not tonight. Maybe tomorrow?
I can only go on hoping ... with everything that I believe in.