old friends

This past weekend I saw some old friends, and it was oh so good. I needed to see some friendly faces from outside this crowded town that I live in. They were happy to see me too, which I loved.
After a few hours, however, my mind started spinning with memories. You see, I met them during the worst years of my life. I was lost and struggling with myself and I know they couldn't see through the fake smile that I wore. I was 18 and I began with such a mental imbalance that I couldn't explain, didn't even know where it was coming from. It later become known as bipolar. But I had done the damage. My life became stained with mistakes that I will always always always regret. Maybe they did know, but my shame still exists either way. I was depressed and desperate. I was permiscuous. I was reckless. I was spinning in every direction. I broke hearts as mine was broken also.
All this came into my mind during our conversations...and they had no idea. Really, no one ever has any idea. This is the only place I have trusted, cuz friends come and go and it always hurts.
I'm crying now, and there's no one to hold me.



considered yourself (((hugged))!!!