Nothing changes

Nothing ever changes.  It's only gotten worse and it looks like thats all it will ever be.  I've stopped calling my friends when I am upset because they haven't been answering or calling me back for a week at least and it just doesn't seem worth it anymore.  Everything hurts right now and everything that I see makes it worse.  I almost cried three times reading a book that is not meant to make anyone cry.  I'm giving up again and I can't find anything to bring me back.  I keep feeling like my friends are avoiding me even though I know they wouldn't do that, or at least I hope that they wouldn't.  Everything seems to be falling apart and I have just stopped caring to try to stop it.  All I want to do now is wait to die and writing that just made me feel a hundred times worse.  I'm not going to kill myself but this feeling isn't very far behind, if someone were to hold a knife to me I would just stand there and let them.  Why is life so painful?