New Member

I am a 60 year old widow. My husband Tom passed on Jan 8th, 2015.  He had been sick with Lewy Body Dementia since 2009 and in a nursing home the last 14 months of his life.  He forgot who my sons and I were.  Forgot how to speak, walk, care for himself.   I must say I am lost and bereft without Tom.  My anchor in life is gone.  I have gained 50 pounds over the years he was sick and am now trying to get healthy again.  I don't find many people who understand this grief process I am going through.  I think because he was in a nursing home and didn't know us they believe I should be able to move on quicker.  That just isn't so.  Even though Tom didn't know us he was always happy to see us and there was a little bit of Tom shining through. Grief is the hardest, most challenging thing I have ever been through  I can't sleep in our bed and haven't much since Tom passed.  I slept in our bed when he was in the nursing home but I think subconsciously I thought he would get better and be back although that was never going to happen.   My goal right now is to at least get a few hours of sleep in my bed and get out of the recliner.  Such a small thing to most people but not to someone who is grieving.  I have friends and family who ask me along to eat out and such but I always feel like a third wheel or a charity case.  I want my old life back.  I want to turn back time and find myself in the canoe with Tom, camping or taking our Sunday drives together to take photos.  Or just sitting around the house together doing nothing.  It's like the worse dream ever that you can't wake up from.