My mind is running

I thought i was doing pretty good the last few days but one event triggered all the memories and feelings i thought were starting to fade. I went for a walk today thinking it would shut up the demons that came out to play. It worked for the most part till a car would come out of nowhere and scare the crap out of me. And it made me wonder what would happen if i did get hit by a car. Would anyone worry and come looking for me? Would anyone care if something happened? Would they actually care that something happened to me or would they only care because they would have to do things for themselves for once? 


Is the relationship im in where im supposed to be? Am i just a stupid hopeless romantic that watches to many movies where a loving, caring man actually exists? This probably wont make sense to alot of people it dont make sense to me sometimes and its my mind. But if i dont get it out somewhere its only gonna get worse.