My Life Now.

My life now is a depressing life. I just figured out that im disqualified from joining the military. Going to the military was for me to figure out what was i put on this earth for. but because of my right eye being blind i cannot find that out. I . . . I cant even explain how angry that makes me. The moment i told my parents i wanted to join the military they didnt accept. Pretty much im not the son they always wanted. I don't like books, I don't like school, i don't care about other peoples reputation. Recently the only thing my mom has been saying is "your going out there to represent ME" . Which clarified that im not accepted how i am. I love to have fun, i love to party, i love physical labor, i love sports, i love being with friends, i love being . . . ME ! My life has been chucked full of lies. I put on a fucking smile on my face like everything is alright. but my mind is full of depression. Just like every other fucking teen. Yes suicide has been flowing through my head. but i dont want to do that THAT IS NOT ME ! it makes me want to break down in tears when i think about this. Not being accepted by really anything. I try and try everyday to think about the good. But only bad really makes since. My only question to life , is Why?