Moving Forward... I Hope
Well, things have been kind of bad the last week. I've had a couple of really explosive arguements with James and I think I'm suffering from some anxiety. Pre-marital jitters along with stress from all the things left to do, I'm guessing. I made the decision to call Kate and told her that I need to start seeing her again. Maybe a couple appointments to get me back on track. I'm wondering if I really need to take another look into anti-depressants. I've always hated the idea of them because of the side effects, but maybe they're becoming neccessary for me right now. I don't know. I know that there are some things that James and I really need to work on. But I'm becoming too emotional about some things. I can see where I am sometimes harder on him than I should be too. I get angrier than I should. We need to work on our communication. We need to work together on our finances and buget better. Too many fights about money... you know? With the wedding coming up, I get angry when he keeps wanting to spend money on things we can't afford right now. The latest arguements were because his step daughter (from his last marriage) and her husband invited us for a weekend in KC. They're all going to Worlds of fun on Saturday, and a Dallas vs Kansas City Football game on Sunday. Oh and this was in October, less than a month after the wedding. The football tickets alone were $120 each. So were looking at a $600 weekend, minimum! Ouch! I kept telling him I thought it was too expensive and we really didn't have the free cash for me to start saving for it. He kept saying it was fine and we could do it. He told Kayla to buy the tickets on Wednesday, and I got angry and told her yesterday that we couldn't afford to go. Now we have 2 tickets to find a buyer for or we're stuck going to the game we can't afford. Damn it! Now I keep panicking about it. Kayla says she has a buyer for 1 ticket, but I told her we want to sell both, not just one. If we can't sell both, then we're going to cancel other stuff we had planned for the last year. Annual stuff we do all the time and will now have to miss out on. I don't understand why he doesn't listen to me when I do all the finances and know what we have coming up and what we can afford to do. We really need to find a good balance between us and start working together instead of against each other.