Mental Health

I slept until almost 3. I was having really vivid dreams. Was it celexa withdrawal? Couldn't be. Does gabapentin have withdrawal? I don't know. 
Paralysis. Staring out the window. I missed another appointment. My mother called FOR ME, to reschedule. The task would have been simple: go downstairs, find the appointment card, CALL THE DAMN PLACE and reschedule. I couldn't do it. Too many steps. Literally. But also, my brain couldn't make sense of what I needed to do. It was just... how to even describe it? Any outcome would result in DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM.
I'm feeling better because of percocet. My mother "borrowed" half of my Vicodin, so it's only fair that she repay me in her percocet. And it calmed me down enough so that the world makes sense. Kinda. And the pain in my hip is a teensy tiny bit better... no, it's not. I think I'm just used to the damn pain. Used to walking with a cane. Used to other things that don't even rhyme.
Fuck, drugs. I... That's too much of a hurdle to jump right now. Or ever. I want coffee. 
So then we went to the mall. Poor Maplewood. It's... acceptable looking, but that air of abandonment is stronger than ever. Most of the stores look like shit. They have a Torrid now, but it's tiny and filthy. Plus I just wasn't in the mood to look at jeans. Even though my jeans have been MISSING for like... months. I need new jeans, i can't wear yoga pants all the time. But today ain't the day.
So then, walgreens. And um, I feel like I'm... maybe having some derealization or whatever the fuck it's called. Because I KNOW that that particular walgreens used to have a decidedly different layout. It's the new walgreens, the one that's by the mall. I KNOW we went in there last year and all the registers were against one wall, side by side. I remember... my social anxiety was in overdrive and I freaked out over some random thing last time we were in there. But I know it was that walgreens, and I remember commenting on how nice it all was, how modern.
Today, it's laid out exactly like every other walgreens. Complete with that mid-1990s feeling about it. So I got home and began to wonder WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, why would they build a new walgreens with a new layout, only to revert to the shitty old layout? To like, make an effort to look dated? 
So now I don't know if it's a glitch in the matrix, or if it's just my fucking brain. I came home with a really OFF feeling, like something is decidedly wrong but I'm the only one who's aware of it.  
Oh well. At least I bought candy and club soda.