Letting go

My father "sold" me his 1986 Audi 5000 turbo to me for $1.00 before he passed away. On the day that he passed away, he had asked me to call Bob and have him come over, knowing that the Lord was calling him home. (Bob had already told me that dad did not want to die with Jane and I there.) He asked me to do just one more thing for him that day and that was to take the audi downtown with Jane (my twin sister) and pay for tax and registration fees and get plates for it. It was during that time that he passed away with Bob by his side. That was in Jan 10, 2000. (Mom had passed away on Jan 5,1999) He knew that I had never had a luxury car before, and yes, although it was an older model, it only had 62,000 miles on it and was in perfect condition. It was their "forever car." I drove it to work which was only a couple of miles from home, drove it to NM, and up into the mountains, etc. It now has a little over 77,000 miles on it and Bob wants to sell it since he has a company van and we have the "new to us" 2003 Ford Escape. Granted, the Audi needs a CS or CV joint, which Bob says is expensive, but really, it's a great car and I've taken good care of it. The leather interior is in mint condition. No rust, no dents...just a beautiful car. I always felt safe in it because it seemed heavier than the newer cars made today. It glides along so smoothly. Anyway, guy Bob works with is very interested in buying it. Bob keeps telling me that we'd be lucky to sell it for $1000.00, and I'd like to a least get $1500.00 for it. I know it doesn't have a blue book value on it as it is too old. So today, I cleaned it out. My parents had an emergency "kit" which is this small wicker "suitcase" that was always kept in the trunk. Inside are a pair of boots, a folding shovel, sterno, wet wipes, little packages that are folded clear plastic rain ponchos, a couple of screw drivers, and a brush. There was a gold colored shovel, and some ice scrapers as well. While I cleaned out the glove box, I found the notes I had written for dad's service, along with the funeral program. My Aunt Betty used to send me gold stars and hearts to scatter on my parent's graves, and that was also in there with an extra flag that I always carry in the car to replaced the old one when I'd go "visit" Mom and dad at the cemetary. I know it's just a car, but to me, it's a part of mom and dad...and letting go of it makes me cry and feel so sad. I'd rather fix it and keep it, but we only have a one car garage and it doesn't make sense to keep it when winter is on it's way and the Escape will need to go into the garage. Bob is on call this weekend and at 3, sure enough...and emergency call from a nursing home in Denver came in so he's on his way up there. Perhaps I'm a bit overly sensative or sentimental or both. It's difficult to let go of things that mean so much to you, but not to anyone else. In away, I guess it's a part of the greiving process...even after the years have slipped by far too quickly. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday when dad and I went downtown to have a special hot fudge sundae with fresh coffee at Michelle's. He was driving the Audi then. I'd taken off a whole week from work just to have June and dad time. We'd never shared time together until after mom died. That year was the most special one in my whole life. It was the 1st time my dad said that he was proud of me and loved me. We talked, laughed and hugged alot that year...me and dad and Bob. I closed my part of the ulogy (sp?) with "He was not afraid to leave this world, but rather looked forward to his going home to be with the Lord. We didn't say "good-bye", we said until we meet again." We so often times wonder in our lives "Why?" I knew that year with dad was a precious gift from God and I shall always cherish it. I can let go of the "things of this world" but a part of me, wants to keep the car dad gave to me. My last trip in it was when I drove down the Interstate for the first time in 8 yrs. (previous journal entry) When I do stop to think about it rationally, it makes sense, but right at this moment in time, it hurts to think about parting with it. I know this one was a downer, but I just had to write about how I am feeling right now.  Thank you for "listening" to me...blither and blunder through the thoughts I'm feeling right now. Letting go sometimes is hard.

Replies

iheartmzb
iheartmzb

i don\'t think i could.
janiecf
janiecf

I know that must be hard to sell. Did you yet? I bet the memories are deep. Can you keep it and just use it in the summer? Funny my Dad had the exact same car and I am sorry to say it was a lemon. I think he gave it away. I remember driving it and it got the load whistle noise. I drove it home from work one night and everyone at the movie theater I passed turned and laughed. It was a pretty car, but not like your Dads. What ever you do, the memories are always with you.