Inconsiderate husbands

     I am so upset with my husband, I sometimes wonder if he deliberately plays stupid…
     He works 1st shift, I work 2nd shift. That means that we usually only see each other for about 30 minutes a day during the week. Thursdays are different. He’s on a bowling league, and finishes with them about 9:30pm. So we meet for a late dinner out at 10:30. I always tell him ‘it seems like I haven’t seen you in forever’, and he knows that I value the time to talk about our week. Well, yesterday, I got there, and he was sitting at our usual table with bowling buddies. I wanted to turn around and run out, I was so hurt, I didn’t know if I could hold it together. He has all week to do his socializing (with the guys) without me… he has about 4 hours to do all his socializing with the bowling buddies on Thursdays. I walked to the table, was introduced to the guys and tried to be social. I made some funny comments, and then spent the rest of dinner just sitting and listening to one of the guys talk, and talk, and talk. Most of the time, none of them even looked at me. I ate my dinner and left the minute I was done, stating that I still had to make a quick run to the grocery store before I could head home. When I got home, I let James know that I was very angry with him and why. I told him that it seems like, when it comes down to disappointing friends or disappointing me, he chooses to disappoint me, and I was tired of it. He seemed to be apologetic and promised it wouldn’t happen again.
     Tonight, he brought dinner to me at work. He showed up, we dished the food out on plates and began eating. After a few minutes, a co-worker called to ask him about some work he was going to do after he left my school. He talked to them for about 5 minutes. He hung up, and not more than a minute later, he got a call from another co-worker. At this point, I stopped eating and just sat there, staring at the cabinets in front of me. He kept covering the phone and saying, ‘its ok Gwen, don’t be mad’. He talked to this guy for more than 5 minutes. He finally hung up, then shut off his phone. He started talking about how he always answered this guy’s call because he’s so helpful. Then he started talking about how grateful he is for some of his co-workers and how important it is to be there for them. I just sat there with half my dinner in front of me, willing myself not to cry. I said ‘how nice they can depend on you to be there for them.’ I dumped the rest of my dinner telling him that I’d lost my appetite. I said 'You can't just let it go to voicemail for the 30 minute we have for dinner, can you?' I’m so tired, so hurt and fighting to hold myself together. I told him that I refused to argue with him at work and we would talk later.
     We have a big talk ahead of us this weekend. I’m not going to do this anymore. I'm no longer myself. I'm sad all the time, and I'm becoming bitter. I'm tired of doing all the compromising. I'm tired of suppressing all my emotions. He has to make a decision. I'm his wife and he needs to respect my feelings. This is not just about doing everything his way. He is going to have to start demonstrating his gratitude for the things that I do for him, and start being there for me. No more of this letting me down because he thinks I’ll be more understanding than the other guy. There needs to be more balance between work, his guy time/ sports and our time together. 
     Why is it that guys treat their women with more respect when they are just their girlfriends? It seems like the moment you say ‘I Do’ you become an appendage to be used without regard. Go figure.

Replies

Lucy570
Lucy570

Boy, I read your journal, and it is disheartening to say the least. How inconsiderate. However, I wondered the same thing. You get all their attention in the beginning and then it becomes excuses. What I found worked for me, was finding other things to occupy my time, and not let it show how much it hurt. I started ignoring him and doing things which entertained myself. Either your husband will get the pix or he will wind up hurting the one who really deserves his attention. While I believe we all need friends and we all need to make sure we have other things in life, I don\' t agree that putting others in front with attention is exactly the answer. However, if he gets a dose of what he gives to you, he might see the light! Hugs to you. I don\'t mean to sound cruel or uncaring about your husband, but the shoe is worn different once it gets walked down the same path as yours!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Men !! They just don\'t get it do they ! Quite frankly , I think he\'s taking you forgranted . I can totally understand you becoming bitter , its a natural response to being ignored and playing second to his work and bowling mates . And a lousy 30 mintues...if he can\'t give you that , its not as if you\'re asking for a whole day . I think he\'s being selfish there . I think deep down he does love you but he appears to have misguided loyalties . I think you really need to get his attention , turn his phone off and tell him how you feel and what you want from him . He has to invest time and effort into your marriage too .