How to move forward

I am getting so frustrated with connecting with others. I don't remember if I wrote here about trying to connect with other friends and even extended family. I had originally joined facebook because I thought it would be so much easier to connect with family. Especially those who live out of state. I've never felt close to my family, but thought this might be a key to better relationship. I kept messaging them, and commenting on their pics and such, but nothing seems to happen. A few family members had hurt my mother and me through their actions, and the fact that they wouldn't let us know when they were in town and such, that I deleted about 6 of them from my page. I simply grew tired of their behavior. Now I'm getting angry when I get on there and see them talking to my sister. They wouldn't talk to me. They ignored my effort to communicate. Hell, a few of them even blew off my wedding when they said they were coming. I've got one hell of a family, don't I? But they'll talk to my sister. I see their comments on her status and pictures, but I get nothing from them. I think it's because she's not overweight like I am. She's got a good job in the IT department of her workplace. In general, I guess they feel like she's their equal and I'm someone to look down on. It's not like I ever ask them for anything. I live in a nice home and James and my income is good too. We get to go out often and we're able to help our kids. We have 2 of them who are moving back in with us for a little while so they can get on their feet. 
I always felt a little left out... but now I feel completely on the outside. People can be so hard hearted and hurtful. Most of my aunts and uncles fall into that category. And these are people who pretend to be such loving christians. I laugh so hard at that, my stomach hurts! My mother doesn't want anything to do with her brothers and their wives anymore. I'm beginning to hate them. It's getting harder and harder to want to have anything to do with anyone. I just don't understand what they think is so wrong with me that they think it's ok to treat me this way. 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I completely understand how you feel. This is the way I feel with most people and my family. I know how much this hurts. This is exactly what I went through, I had to let go of my whole family because of the way they treated me and my family, exactly what you experience and what you are saying in this journal. It was so painful that I was not included and my family treated me this way. They do include my 2 1/2 younger brother who is a doctor and who was very smart. They paid for his education and all of my 3 cousins college education and they all went to very good colleges. My brother went to Stanford then USC. They did nothing for me. They said I was not college material even though I wanted to go I was put down my whole entire life that is probably. I left home at age 18 after High School, did not know anything about the world because I was sheltered, never had many friends, and had to do everything on my own. I never asked for one dime since I moved out. When I had kids they wanted to be in our life, now that our kids are older they don\'t seem to be interested, our daughter got overweight, I don\'t know if you will be able to tell from the picture I will post soon, we are not good enough for my parents and my family and we never ask them for anything. We would have only liked to fit in and be accepted but they never did accept us and they treated us the way your family and others treat you. It is very disappointing. That is why I wrote in the post we met at if only I could meet a friend who truly does like me. I often feel left out and that people like others more then me. You express yourself so well, and I am not able to write what you say but I understand what you are saying as I have experienced this and it hurts a whole lot. I have also experienced this on D.S. I still don\'t get why people act this way towards others. I always thought we were all entitled to treat each other fairly and equally because we are all people with the same kinds of feelings, none of us like to be ignored, we all want to be liked but some people choose to be nice to others and not to others for some reason and I can see how you would think because you feel you are overweight or maybe not as attactive that maybe they don\'t like you for that. My daughter has faced that kind of discrimination even though she is a very nice person because she is not one of the petite very pretty girls she has been passed up by boys, girls but she is one of the most bravest and strongest people I know and does not let things get to her. I can learn so much from my daughter\'s strength and conviction. I have let these things bother me so much. Thank you for writing and being my friend. I appreciate it. You seem very smart and you communicate so well and are a nice person because you have been nice to me and that means a lot.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I also have relatives that leave a lot to be desired but these days I just accept what they give me and nothing more. I see them maybe once a year and that is ok with me now.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Gwen I don\'t get families sometimes either. I know growing up my mom anytime she hit me she\'d remind me that she was an abused child. I feel bad for her, but she did some damage to me as well. I know she said something that was hurtful, and that was she told me one day that the babies were switched at birth, and that their real baby is somewhere out there.

It sounds as though there was alot of abuse in your family, and alot of walls have been erected. In some ways that has happened in mine. I know once I moved out on my own I just blew off my family because I couldn\'t handle it anymore, but then I married a girl who was into family, and I had to tell her I didn\'t want to be with them.


I know that sometimes on here I don\'t know what to say to people after they\'ve vented on the same thing over and over. I feel bad that it\'s not being resolved. Abuse, Hate, Prejudice, etc. These are a few of my hated things. However, I know with me that I tend to throw it back at people who come off that way to me. I guess the lawyer side of me comes out, and I\'m horny for \"Cross-Examination.\" I just remember at Wednesday night\'s bible study last week. Our teacher had converted to Christianity from the Nation of Islam, and I tore into him hard. I do need to be careful because other people I do like will see me attacking will not like me too much anymore.

Gwen I love you, and you\'re a wonderful friend. I just don\'t know what I can tell you about your family. I feel if they feel that your sister is better company then let them go. I know it will hurt on you. However, you\'re not to blame for your family\'s blindness.


Love,
Dan
deleted_user
deleted_user

I too have a family that is basically one sided when it comes to my older brother. My father thinks that my brother can do no wrong and this brother is the one that started the seperation in the family. I really don\'t care what my brother or my father thinks anymore. I sometime will talk with my other brother and sister but it\'s not the same. I really think that I have moved on with my own life and I\'m totally ok with that. It\'s ok to not have a relationship with your family. I know I\'m a lot happier not having them in my daily life. I guess it is what it is....