Frightful about the future - Pained by the past

I was never a popular kid in myschool days - infact I was bullied. At 14 I joined a new local state school and was picked on due to my past schooling. Straight away i got the name "new boy" said in a tone that was full of hatred. I tried my best to make friends there but it just never happened. People smashed in my locker so i couldn't keep anything in there, I sometimes had my lunch money nicked. I was regularly threatened all because of my past schooling. One time in athletics we had to do the 800 metres which I use to be very competent in... until I got diagnosed with exercise induced asthma. I finished the race in 2nd place but unfortunately got an attack. Instead of the teacher getting me help - He told me to get up and walk (I really hope your under a bus now Mr Leiberman) and while I was being told to get up and walk while trying to breath, my fellow classmates found it necessary to kick me in the ribs, and shovel grass, glass and dog shit down my throat which resulted in me having to be rushed to the hospital. 
Another day I had my head stuffed down the toilet and flushed - this wasn't pleasant and I was made to drink toilet water. I got in fights on pretty much a daily basis and most the time was heavily out numbered with no ally to turn to. After school i'd be followed back on my cycle route and again be kicked off and beaten. I had threats coming at me through the door and on the phone. I then proceeded to bunk and refuse to go into school for 2 months before I was told I had too. During these 2 months I had many failed suicidal attempts and even got pinned back from the white cliffs off Dover at one point while my Mum was in tears begging me not to jump.  The teachers did nothing until one day I flipped totally - A day which probably changed my life. Unfortunately threatening to stab someone with a knife is a crime and I was subsequently asked to leave the school. I thought this was a blessing in disguise however getting into another school wasn't as easy as I assumed and in the end the only school that would have me was a Boarding School up in Hertford. I felt more accepted here on my first day compared to my old school - however at lunch time I saw one of my friends-to-be getting bullied by a group of people. Having still not recovered from my experiences i didn't like this. Once again I flipped off and ended up beating the ring leaders face into a locker resulting in me being in the head masters office on the first day. Never a good start. At least from here no body would mess with me for a few weeks, but I still had a problem with fitting in and felt really lonely and often had nights of anger and in tears. I never had help for my bullying and I ended up leaving school after my GCSEs at 16. 
Since the school days I never have had much confidence, but over the last year and a bit I seem to get phases where I would be really confident and feel really on top of the world. Work would be great and I'll be very productive however this lasts a couple of weeks to a month if i'm lucky. Having not had confidence and a very low self esteem has left me totally vulnerable to relationships. I seem to always fall for a girl, and get told they like me but then either get fucked over, or fall for something called the "friend zone". Most the time after this I feel worthless, unloved, guilty that I never did enough and at times I feel i'm pointless. All I really want in life is to be happy and to help others and make them happy. A lot of blokes I see use women just for sex and to be fair it makes me sick. Sure sex is great - but to me I love to put a smile on a womans face but I never have a chance for a relationship - and ultimately never will as I can't deal with this hurt any longer. My last bad actions were in January. I tried jumping off bridge but a mate stopped me. I tried jumping into a pond whilst not being a strong swimmer but was again stopped. I even tried to drown myself by sticking my head down a public toilet and flushing it repeatedly. I've tried overdosing and self harm too. It doesn't get any better. I've finally built up the courage to see the doctor about this really as one last attempt to sort life out.  
Now i'm in the lingo as to what the underlying problem is - I've been put on Citalopram due to the depressive symptoms but what help I will get for this is yet to be seen. I'm anxious and want a fast forward button however I know damn well this is a long drawn out battle. I just I hope I win as at the moment the tears don't fall - they crash around me.