First Day

In a lot of pain right now.  Lee is in a completely self-involved place right now and he's not thinking about me much at all.  I don't know how to be strong anymore.  I don't know how to do this.  The summer was ruined by customs not letting him in.  He's not getting over it and now he's called off our holiday.  I haven't hurt this bad since Mom died.  That was much worse, but this is bad. He won't stand up to his mother, his computer is more important to him than me.  How long do I continue being a doormat? I need someone to tell me what to do.  I feel like Marianne in Sense and Sensibility when she sees Willoughby at the ball and says to Eleanor, 'bring him here.  make him come to me..." I want someone to make him see that no one is going to love him as much as I do. He's too weak.