Feeling of high self-esteem

Right now I feel confident, like I have high self-esteem. While yesterday was a pretty bad day even though the days before were going sorta good. Today morning was also a little hard but then I just made myself read an article by Braden and I was good.
Then I was pretty awesome with Hab on the ph which normally was a hard thing for me, way outside my comfort zone. But I managed it and it only increased my esteem. However then I realized its harder being that confident with M etc. Why? Is it because I expect too much? Is it because I label their actions and get paranoid? Is it because I'm not Conscious and Self-Accepting and Self-Assertive? What I do know is that I have never been self-assertive, I have hidden myself, wanted myself to be invisible, then felt angry for everyone treating me like I was invisible. huh. I had to find a separate place where I could write all this (DailyStrength) without revealing my identity because I found this was the only way I could write who I actually am without worrying what people thought of me. And even now I was afraid of writing everything till I reminded myself that no one knows me here. I feel thats kind of pathetic but I have to work on it. Have to at least be honest with myself even if I'm not honest with others.
Anyways I wanted to write this entry to remind myself what I did to feel this way. Firstly I read the 6 pillars of esteem, tried following them as much as I could. And I already started feeling better, though not absolutely confident which I later felt when I ph with Hab. So my plan is to keep following them, staying honest with myself, accepting my feelings even if they make me feel like I had gotten better and I'm going back to myself, I'll accept this feeling. My aim is to make the 6 pillars a lifestyle so that my esteem is not flawed. That'll be all :)