does this help?
Maybe its better not to think about it? It seems like when i dredge it up again i just put myself back in that place where I feel sick and sorry for what happened to me. I do not want this to define my whole life. I do not want to think about this all the time. I do not want to care about it. I just want to get on with my life and be 'normal' - whatever that means. I have a child to raise. A little girl to protect from this. My biggest fear is that it will happen to her. My biggest fear is that I will fail her like my mother failed me. This is a ridiculous thought and the truth is even if I do everything 'right' it may not be enough. There is no real protection if a predator gets into your life. It is impossible to protect her every second of everyday. I know this. and I know that even if I tried I would only be robbing her of life. If I dont think about it maybe it will go away? maybe it wont happen? what can I do? How can I protect her? I cant keep her away from men... thats not even fool proof because women can be abusers too... although maybe she has a better chance with women since she is a girl...? I wont leave her alone with a man thats for sure... Im not even sure i would leave her with my own dad. not that he ever did anything to me... but how do i keep her safe? Please Please Please I want her to be safe.