Count Down

Today it has been 9 months already since my Chris left to be an angel.  Sometimes it seems so long and sometimes it still feels like yesterday.  And in 3 more months it will be his first year angel date.  I can hardly believe it's almost been a year already and I still can't believe he's not here anymore - I'm having such a hard time with that.  Last night after I went to bed it just hit me (again) and I cried until I guess I finally cried myself to sleep.  And of course today with it being the 9th month, my feet didn't hit the floor before I was at it again.  I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be able to go to work and get through the day - but I don't have a choice - I had to work.  And of course I will be going by the cemetery to visit Chris and to take him his 3 flowers I leave every month on the 10th, one from me, one from his dad, and one from his son.  I hate having to go to the cemetery to "visit" my son.  I would rather be meeting him at AppleBee's in Pelham or somewhere in Southside like we use to do once or twice week before he moved in with me and then we had more time together.  I have so much I want to tell him and talk to him about and ask him about and I still do that from time to time - I just don't get a response or an answer.  Sometimes I find myself wanting more and more just to go and be with him - this is just too hard and the pain - well you all know the pain - it is almost unbearable.  And then I think of my precious grandson Kiran and how hurt he would be if his Nana left him too and how much I would miss watching him grow up and I know because of past history when Kiran was younger and things with his mother that Chris wants me more than anything to stay here and watch over his son and take care of him the best I can with the distance he lives from me because he isn't here anymore to do it himself.  And oh how I love my little man - but oh how I miss his father.  This never seems to end rollercoaster I'm on really needs to stop.

Replies

KandL
KandL

I know it hurts, darling. I had a very difficult time at 9 months too. I did some research & experts say that it is hard for many at the 9 month mark, so much so that it is considered a phenomenon. I have a theory that it is because of the same amount of time we carry them in our womb. Also, for those dealing with loss other than that of a child maybe its because after 9 months in a year, then comes the joys of spring.So much for theories. I just want you to know that you are not alone. 9 months IS tough. Hold on for Kiran -Chris knows you are there for his son. Love & tight hugs, Linda, Eddie\'s mom
biowoman
biowoman

Time is a strange thing...seems like yesterday...seems like a lifetime. It has been over three years for my Alex...how can that even be possible? So I understand how crazy it is to believe that Chris has been gone 9 months. I want you to know that you somehow will continue to \"make it\"...and that more happiness will return to your life. Kiran needs his Nana...more than you can even know...peace to you sweet friend...Karen
deleted_user
deleted_user

I hate the rollar coaster too....but thank God we have our little men to give us all those sweet moments. I feel as you do, David would want Jack\'s Me Me around for him and that keeps me going.... so enjoy that little boy and know that Chris is with you .Marilyn
NoraMc
NoraMc

I love how you take 3 flowers, that is wonderful. I have some extra tissues if you need some. Nora
misshim
misshim

I can\'t believe it has been 9 months already. Of course I can\'t believe it\'s been 3 years for me. I understand the pain and agony. I truly go on for all my family.
We will see our boys again and it will be so great! Love you and hope you have a gentle peaceful weekend. Kelly
Azgal15
Azgal15

Thank you all - it\'s nice to have women like you to turn to and shoulders to cry on. I will do my best to return the favor - you all mean alot to me. I will you all a peaceful weekend.
Lots of love and hugs always!
~Sandi
Robin4
Robin4

Over time that roller coaster ride isn\'t so \"bumpy\" and so scary. I hope you find it to be a little more bearable each day. I know you honor your son by being a important part in Kirans life. He needs you and you need him. Be patient and keep breathing friend. Love to you. Robin
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

I\'m so sorry that this is such a painful time yet I certainly understand. So glad to know that you have Chris\' beautiful son, Kiran, in your life and yes, you both need one another. I\'m sure that Chris is guiding you with that as well. Sending you peace today and know that you are not alone. We are here for one another. With love and so much understanding. Your friend, Joanie