clear-headed

i feel rather clear-headed this morning... had lots of thoughts; i will not stay with someone who calls me names, and insults my kids. i will not accept the blame for any of his deviant behavior.  if he puts forth no effort, then i am done putting forth effort also.  i will use him as i have felt used, to get myself to a better place. right now i need him to take me to have surgery on my neck next week, so i will lay low and try not to argue.  our arguments are futile anyways so whats the point? he actually came over to my side of the bed last night and cautiously held me - usually he pulls me to him or makes some funny (to him) comment about meeting him in the middle of the bed - whatever. i think he is having some human thoughts in that animal brain of his. he actually asked me to email him today - i might or i might not. i have not decided. i composed a letter to him in my head, but dont have time to write it now - hope i will still have it later, when i take my daughter to daycare. i dont know if i will give it to him or not, but it sure felt good to have those words in my head. so for now - i guess i feel empowered, and less like a victim with no choices....we shall see

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I needed mine for outpatient surgery in Nov. He was attentive at home but still distant and ran the roads. The following week I went out of state just to get away from all the mess and visit friends. I did not want to have any contact with him. He blew up my phone and told me I took advantage of him for my surgery and as soon as I recovered I did not need him anymore. What a guilt trip! He has been sleeing in the recliner at night and comes to bed around 4-6 a.m. I woke up to him snuggling next to me and holding me. It felt very good and sad all at the same time.
slouisesj
slouisesj

yeah, i know what u mean, about feeling good but sad. i did just get off the phone with the lawyer (she herself actually called me back!) and made an appt for next friday. Kinda far in the future, but had to work around my surgery. anyways, i feel good that i have an appt - i suppose its the next step.