Changes are among us

It has been a while since my last post. Another birthday has come and gone, had a friend visit a few weeks ago whom I have not seen in 14 years so that was nice. It is hard at times to realize that no matter what some people say, you are not as important or mean anything to them no matter how many times they say it. For instance, the friend that came to visit was my first boyfriend from high school. We caught up with each other but then he would get mad if my phone would go off, yet he was constantly on his phone talking to an array of people. He claims that I am the only one for him, he loves me and always has from day one, and he feels we are meant to be together. But yet he talks to other women. I didn’t say much to it because we are not anything but friends but it hurt. Then when one of my friends needed help while he was here I went to help. Hello... he slept 90% of the time he was here. Am I wrong for helping out my other friend knowing he would be sleeping the entire time I was gone anyways? So now he continues to throw that in my face how I helped the other friend, left him, etc. But yet you were again sleeping and talking to other women in front of me. He claimed we need to talk about things, feelings, etc. I told him that is hard for me to do at times. When we talked a few days after he returned home, I mentioned that my roommates ex husband was there and that is when he told me I need therapy for my fear of men. Yes, I have been constantly on guard and watching my surroundings but who can blame me, especially with what I have gone through my entire life.

This week has brought both bad news, good news and some bitter sweet news. The bad news was that my car broke down and had to be towed to the shop. Luckily it is a lease so it was repaired for free. The good news is I got a new job and I will start March 12. The bitter sweet news is I finally got my court date for my divorce. It is to surreal to see that date on the piece of paper that is when I will be free. Who would of thought that a 12 year relationship and 10 year marriage will be officially over in a month. I know I didn’t.

I was on a support group on facebook for breakups and divorce. I rarely posted on there but when I did someone left the comment "well if you were to lose weight you may be ok and might have been able to keep your man". Like here no-one knows me or the struggles I have been through my entire life. That comment hurt. I have always struggled with weight but I have been doing something about it. I have lost 38 lbs in the last 9 months and go to the gym. It is a slow process but it is happening. And no I am not losing weight to try and keep my man, nor to win anyone over.  I am doing it for me, to make me feel better about myself and look good.