Can't sleep again....

i have to work at 630am and it's almost 2am.. I can't sleep again .. I can't stop thinking about how much better my life would be if I was able to transition. I'd lose so many people and things that I love if I did... I'd probably have to start my life over completely. I'm engaged to a beautiful girl, and she does not support the idea very much. My sister thinks it's weird and asked me to "please not be so weird" .. I don't even think I want to get all of the surgery done and do the whole thing.. I just want some kind of comfortability with the way I look. 


Female to male DIY transitioning is super dangerous and time consuming and there's a good chance it won't even work.. 


I'm stuck between a rock and a head place and I have no one to talk to about it. 


Anyone got some advice for me ?



-H