blabberings about my crush :)

I may have wrote about this guy before............I like him. I found out I'm older than him, which made me try to stop liking him. I soon found out that MANY other girls like him, which makes me feel not so confident in my chances of getting with him. I found out that some of my friends/classmates that are close to him, likes him as well....which really killed my confidence. Plus the fact that he's white and I'm black; he's fit and I'm fat; He's an EXTREMELY GOOD musician, and I'm a rusty could've been great percussionist and singer.....so I feel very little when it comes to liking him. I did learn that he might like black girls too.....but still, onee of my friends that are close to him is black, and she likes him. She's also a suitable age for him (only a few months or so younger)....
So needless to say, I try very hard not to think of him romantically.
But every time he mentions something about himself, it lines up with what I want in a man. When I was younger, I made a list af traits I would like my "dream guy" to have. It has evolved over the years, and I've tried not to be so detailed....but even the detailed parts, he lines up with. Things on the list that I laugh and say isn't necessary because it would be almost impossible to find a guy with those traits and the traits that I need, he possesses. Even in his tone of voice, and his height......and in the instruments he plays.........every thing he is, is what I have prayed God would send me in a man. The only thing that doesn't line up (which I actually took off the list, and loosened up on it's importance-before I met him) is age. 
The more I learn about him, the more I like him.......but I have to fight that feeling. I doubt that he looks at me that way. I would be blessed to atleast be good friends with him. My dreams are full of kisses from him. I'm usually scared of kissing, and have to REALLY trust a guy to kiss him......but I want to kiss this guy. I feel like, even if I had a slight chance to be with him......if he could be mine for even one moment.......one date......and one moment to kiss....I would be happy. I want him to want me so badly. I want him to find me attractive.......but I don't have much confidence. As I lose weight, maybe he'll notice me more............and maybe he'll want me more..........and maybe he'll give me a chance, even if it's one day, (or one moment), to belong solely to him.
I'm falling in love with him.
I wish he thought the same of me.....