been a while

its been a while since i've been here been to stressed to do much of anything, I am so depressed do.t know what to do I find it really hard to deal with having cancer I ll be going for my 4th R chop treatment on the 10th of february don't know yet if I'll need 6 or 8 so anyway you look at it I should be at least half way done chemo then I get radiation for 2 weeks and as if this is not stressful enough all I can think of is "what if it comes back" or " what kind of cancer will I get next time" cause my thoughts are if there is more of a chance that I can develope another kind of cancer from getting this chemo and radiation i'll get it and that is all I can think of I can't even think about the future anymore if I do I stop and think well I'll never be able to take that trip now because what if I have a relaps or get another cancer then I'll be to sick of dyeing so I won't be able to go and when I think about it I know thoughts like that are crazy but it doesn't change anything its just the way I feel