Back in the Radiation saddle

Howard went back to radiation today. He was off for the last two days because of the painful sore on the back of his tongue. He could not get the stint in his mouth. He had mentioned giving up on any more treatment. He is frustrated with his inability to eat and the pain in his throat and on his skin (neck). Last night he said he was not going to quit. He only has 9 more radiation treatments and one more chemo. We are both aware that it won't be over in the blink of an eye but the finish line is in sight now. He has had so much constant pain since the tumor in a lymphnode on his neck grew to the size of a small lime last year. The growth hurt him, then all the surgeries and treatment has added to his pain so in total it has been about 6-8 months of hurting. I try not to influence his decissions. He is a grown man and has his mental capacity has not been deminished in the slightest. I sit/stand beside him and support what ever his decission may be. If he asks me directly I will answer him. I will not tell him what to do with his life or his body. This is very hard for some to unerstand. Howard is everything I ever dreamed of and more then I thought possible. There are no words to express the way I feel about him. I have been told I should be more vocal in my opinions. I disagree. I have been asked IF you love Howard how can you just sit by and do nothing. Actually it is because I love and respect him that I can sit or stand at his side and wait for his decission. If he was unable to make rational choices, I would step in. He has made sure that I have the legal paper work to do just that. So far he is able to do this for himself and I would not take his dignity away by suggesting otherwise. I love this man more then I thought I was capable of. I would not like to know life without him.Howard understands that my silence is not lack of caring, it is out of respect and love. If any other cancer patient friend or family member finds themselves in this position I hope you will remember that however you deal with your cancer fighter is right for you.Peace Love and Light