Anyone Seriously Wish To Tell About Trauma But Can't Until Asked

I hope this is not completely mad, but I've read a lot of posts concerning the unpleasant thoughts about needing to expose stress facts to your t. I'm working with the contrary.
I have several 'troubles' that I'm aware of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step-father to an adult that I trusted as a maternal figure that later confirmed she had other suggestions for that relationship in HighSchool... And what's daily becoming more of the certainty that I've repressed very early punishment (I have always had dangers but am not experiencing his and my voice in my own brain which isn't nice change of words)... I have NEVER told information on any one of this stuff. I've https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/anybody-desperately-want-to-tell-about-trauma-but-cant-unless-asked.57793/ - I want to talk, but cannot - described to 2 people that "something" happened with this person that was the level and I respected. I am plagued short video in my mind of the people I remember, by images and today these comments of what I believe.
Does this make sense to ANYONE? I understand I'd be EXTREMELY embaressed to express what exactly I expect it isnot something ill building me need and I'd have to to... But I am so worried we shall spend years since he thinks I'm afraid tiptoeing across the specifics and that I am desperately attempting to spill the beans. I wish I can tell him this, but it isn't allowed.
I'm working together with a t and have discovered that I can't tell him SOMETHING if he does not ask. I have told him this and he is proficient at wanting to ask me questions. The issue is, I may also not tell him what to ask. I know it could sound completely crazy, but it is much like I'm banned to only openly tell things but I'm allowed to answer honestly. He's gone backwards and forwards about 'processing' trauma after which I think I'm so silent about things going on that he does not believe they're and begins to think we need to get another direction. I get so upset once I hear him want to stop trust about actually getting relief and get very frustrated and talk about not addressing the stress particularly. It is like I KNOW I have to acquire these details out but I can not tell him that. I believe he's also worried I can not manage dealing with the stress specifically due to my panic disorder, but I really don't know how to alter any one of this. I would like it so bad and that I have learn about all these new techniques to handle PTSD without detailed processing, although he discusses trying to get it done with as small detail and trauma that you can.